No Stranger Friend...

He's amorphous; a mystery. He's so far over me in power, grace, command, knowledge, goodness, mercy, patience, stature... shoot, you name it, He's dwarfs me in it. He's millions of years older than me, knows everything about me and everything around me. Heck, He created me.

And yet, this Being is supposed to be my friend. Sometimes it's hard for me to fathom that. For instance, when I'm broke...well... He owns EVERYTHING. It doesn't seem possible for Him to feel my distress. Even when He was a man and needed money, He pulled currency from a fish's mouth. I get the feeling if I went to the water right now, I'd be lucky to even find a fish.

This Friend... His agenda fluctuates between life and death the way we deliberate on the choice of clothing for the day. No... He already knew who was going to live and die at the very beginning. Me? I mean, I know people live and die; it's an inevitable fact. I don't expect miraculous resurrections anytime soon; as if I'm the only person who's ever lost somebody right? If bringing back the dead was simply a matter of lifting up prayer, we'd be overpopulated. Hope ill-placed is just as bad as being hopeless I guess... but I'm drifting.

Friend... it's hard to be friends with Someone who has rule over you. See, in human relations, we cater to each others feelings; but no matter how you feel, when it comes to the Creator, things must be as they must be. His word is law, not open to "friendly" debate. And you would think that an all-powerful Friend would change the world for you, but then you remember you're not the only "friend" He has in the world, and that His plan is so far beyond you that you couldn't hope to understand it. It's a friendship based totally on credit. "Trust the Lord"; we say it like it's the simplest thing. And to a simple person, I guess it is. But for some reason He made me very complex.

A few posts prior, I said I wouldn't exactly call me and God friends right now. I mean, He's been a friend to me in spite of it all, taking care of me in His way; but I was deeply hurt by what happened to my mother, period. But I did something today. I stood in my livingroom with my feet together; I spread my arms wide and straight; I closed my eyes. I imagined it was me on that cross instead of Jesus: fully God, capable of saving myself; choosing to suffer as fully man--- hours upon hours, ridiculed, scorned, scourged, bleeding, dying--- just to give mankind a chance at salvation from eternal damnation. And then I pictured a boy in the distant future saying he wasn't sure if he wanted to be friends with me or not.

So uh... yeah. God has been a friend to me; I'd be less of a human being not to be a friend in return. No, this doesn't make things any easier, but I thank God that our suffering is not to the extent of His suffering, and that He is capable of restoring us in His time. It is an awkward relationship; a man trying to relate to a Being who is his supreme in all dimensions, trusting that His intentions are holy, no matter how they manifest themselves by humanistic standards. I kinda feel like a nail being friends with a carpenter that's constructing a mansion. Wondering why He keeps hammering on me, ya dig?

There is No Stranger Friend than the Friend I have in Jesus Christ.

We'll Leave It at That B-J