The Greatest Hoodwink in History!

It's Tuesday, but I already spent all my energy on Monday. I can't seem to get my readings done for my classes. I mean, I read, but it's almost like I can't make the words out on the pages. I hafta keep pausing, regaining my thoughts, re-reading the articles...

Just two little classes, and already it's more taxing than the five I took just last semester. And it's all because, so late in the game, I finally realized--- "realized" meaning, it's making a difference to me now--- that I'm not meant to be a history major.

It's bigger than whether or not I can do the work: I'm not truly interested, so it feels like I CAN'T do the work. Like I'm working against some greater force, ya know? A force that I AGREE with. For a while, I was wondering if I was lazy or something but, after last semester, I figured out that it's not that. The problem is, I can't dupe myself into doing anything that I don't wanna do; I can't shut myself down or lie to myself or justify doing it. Just like I couldn't fake myself into wanting to be in college, I can't fake myself into enjoying history either.

Truthfully, I went into history following in my mother's footsteps. But don't get the wrong idea, I didn't plan on being "just like Mom" or anything; I figured, "If I gotta be a teacher like her, 'might as well take up something familiar to her. Maybe she can help me with her experience/expertise or sumn..." So at the time, I had no real interest in history; I had no interest in ANY academic subject. So it didn't make any difference which one I chose.

Then I took a new angle on things. "Since I wanna help the world so much, history will help me wee what went wrong so I can figure out how to make it right!" Sounds good, right? But that was a cover-up, too. Use your heads folks: the only change I ever planned on making was socio/political/spiritual change in America, particularly in the urban culture. In that case, where does Rome, Greece, Japan, China, Europe, the Civil War, Mesopotamia, The Cuban Missile Crisis, Central America, the Truman Administration, or World War I come into play? That's like studying calculus to be able to get familiar with the digits in your own phone number.

But, I still had the hope that I would come acros that one class in the history department that would make it all worth it; African-American history almost did it, but my remembrances are all of prior generations, not present-day African-Americans. Not to mention, I was so far on the history track that changing course at that point would only waste money. Unfortunately, I didn't find that enlightening course... in history. The course I was looking for was an entire department called Sociology.

Sociology and history are actually very closely related. If you've ever been in a history course, you've probably seen the questions asked in class where the teacher says, "That's a little too personal/goes a little too in-depth/is on too much of a micro scale for our purposes." THAT's what I was looking for; and that's pretty much what we dealt with in Sociology.

Now that I'm out of my Sociology minor with three history classes between me and graduation, I feel like I'm shutting down all over again. There should be a school policy that says, "If students in a history course are searching further than the course is willing to go for answers, the professor of the course in question should recommend that student to the Sociology department as quickly as possible and refund the money they've paid for any and all history courses".

Oh, I've got to tell you cats about this one too; I hafta take a test before I become a teacher. No biggie... cept for the fact Im' a history major. Imagine a single test covering: Mesopotamia, the Fertile Crescent, Victorian England, the Civil War, the Revolutionary Era, Meiji Japan, Red China, the Soviet Union, World War I, World War II, Apartheid, the Byzantine Empire, and pretty much... history itself. And I'm thinking to myself... my COLLEGE LEVEL PROFESSORS specialize in certain areas of history... NOT THE WHOLE OF HISTORY ITSELF!!

But heck, what can I do? I've got to take the test in my area of study, which is history. Too much on my mind; I'll think back to that later...

Before I continue, however, let me just say there's a bit more to this than meets the eye regarding my present classes. Lemme explain summer-semester to you; we're in class for 23 days over about 4 weeks. In one particular class, in that 4 weeks' time, we hafta read over 1000 pages of a book; in the second class, we hafta read about 450 pages. We'll round up to 1500 pages. In the meantime, I'm working on campus and working outta my house, producing for local talent (which I never actually planned on doing). My baby sister came home from college unexpectedly; weekly expenditures just went up. I had to pull out of one of my church ministries cuz I couldn't keep up. Not to mention, my computer decided to pull a fast-one on me the other day, and I lost all my "clients'" (who don't pay me btw) material in one fell swoop. And this fresh new computer of mine now has the hiccups...

Is it just universal policy that NOTHING... EVER goes according to plan? I think I've digressed a little.

I'm putting this here because, as usual, there's nobody I can talk to about this that's actually going to make a bit of difference. I can tell my family I hate history; all they'll say is, "you're so close to finishing; you can't throw away that money; you've got to get a job to pay that house off." I can talk to friends, but all they'll say is, "I feel ya; you should drop the classes; do what you feel; man that's tough; stick it out." My professors prolly already think I'm a slacker, cuz I've come to them with an unbelieveable amount of funerals since I've been in school.

Well... the good news is, if I can hang on for this week, I can actually not expect to see the studio guys for a while. The workload probably won't get any easier, but the good news is it can't get much harder. I'm on the threshold of graduation, and I can't even SEE it. There's something wrong with that. Terribly wrong. There's no excitement, just pure frustration...

(SCREEEECH!!! STOP THE PRESSES!!!!!...You know what I just realized? In grade school, they always called history-related subjects "Social Studies"! What the hell?! How did I come in on the Social Studies train, miss Sociology, and end up a History major?! ...It's a plot! 'Gotta be! See, the Man doesn't want social change so, in grade school, he teaches History under the guise of 'Social Studies' to avoid the meaningful discussions that would happen in a REAL 'Social Studies' class! Then, when we get to college, he keeps Sociology on the hush and railroads us into the History department, where we'll discuss the past without bringing it into the [relevant] modern era. Yeaaaaahhh, I SEE YOU, PLAYA!! >B-(...)

Anywasy, guess what... I just discovered it's "discussion day" in my second course. Sooooo... I gotta leave... NOW. Peaces.

VIVA LA SOCIOLOGIA!!! B-(