"I Just Came Here to Chill..."

Well, I woke up this morning in prayer. As I lay face-down, I simply asked God what I should do. It's not a question that I hadn't Him asked before but, as usual, God doesn't exactly drop personalized road maps.

But, not long after that, I felt something. I hadn't been out of bed very long when something inside me told me to just... chill. Not chill in the sense of not doing anything or stopping whatever I was doing, but chill in the sense of not worrying about what I'm "supposed" to be doing; just letting things happen as they happen.

And for the first time in a while, I thought about some simple things: being friendly and hospitable for instance; not analyzing every little thing; not being so thrifty with my money. And when I put those things out of my mind, I admit, I felt... different.

Better? That's hard to say. Here's the thing: life isn't peaches and cream, especially for me. No matter how spiritual you are, there's hardship, there's responsibility, there's thought to be given to various things. So, I get unnerved whenever it's time to "relax". Especially because it never fails: the I relax is usually the same moment that everything goes south.

At the same time, I do also understand that there is to be balance in life. And perhaps I haven't been balancing. I've always been a person who's struggled with finding the median of things. I'm either too serious or too laid back; my voice is either my public speaking voice or nearly inaudible; I'm either smothered in love and romance to the point of depression, or callous to the point of alienation.

I wrote an entry about a year ago about the "pace of extremities"; basically that I live my life in constant alternation between extremes, and those extremes create a balance. While this may be true, there's a slight downside to it: if ever my life should fall out of balance, it leaves me extremely one thing or extremely the opposite. It's the difference between tightrope walking 2 feet off the ground and tightrope walking 200 feet off the ground; most people seem to be 2 feet, but I think I'm 200. Losing my balance to either side would be pretty... friggin' fantastic, so to speak.

Eh... such is life, I know. I think I'm writing this because, as of recent, I've been looking for a change in my life. Not a change like... being a better person, for instance. But a change in situation for once. Because, I'm always becoming a better person; always adjusting my mind, body, and spirit to make do when life tries me. For once, I just want the things around me to do the changing and adjust to fit me. It's selfish, I know. But hey, I'm just writing, not expecting these things to happen.

I'll adjust just fine when the time comes. I always do.