Are You Okay?

There was someone in my life once that would ask me such a question... rather frequently. I really miss that.

It's funny because I always answered the question the same way. It was always either "I'm fine", "I'm good", "I'm cool" or "I'm straight". I said it because I meant it; I'm really, really hard to take out when it all boils down. But I also said it because I didn't know any better. I'm not always as okay as I think I am.

When the definition of being okay is your ability to keep going, yeah, I'ma always be okay. I can always keep going no matter what. But maybe it's not good enough to be able to keep going.

The thing that brings me to this hypothesis is... the absence of that person in my life. When my friend was there, it was nothing for me to say I was cool and move on with her nearby. But without that friend, there isn't that loving question anymore. And more than anything, sometimes I just wish she was there to ask it.

And if she were to ask me right now, I would answer with an emphatic "NO" to make up for all the times I said otherwise.

As much as everyone should love and care for someone, everyone should have someone to love and care for them. Granted, believers have God to depend on. But the fellowship of a superior is different than the fellowship of an equal; the love of an authority is different than the love of a mate.

...'Mate' is too strong a word. 'Soulmate' better captures the idea, I think.

But back to the question, because that's really what this is all about. Whether I think I'm okay or not isn't the significant thing; the knowing that someone--- someone I dearly care for--- cares enough for me to ask. So now that I don't have that, I realize the power of those three little words/four little letters (R.U.O.K.)

But, as always, I'm fine. And I still really mean that. Because I still don't know any better.