Presenting: The Whys-Guy

Yup... I love posts like this. See, as I go through life there's just some things I come across here and there, and people... the sh!t just don't make sense to me. Now, I don't have a college diploma, but when I consider some of the things I see, I wonder who really does have one, cuz some of these things don't really strike me as gosh-darn "intelligent".

There's soooooo many of these questions that have flashed across my mind throughout my life; I just hope and pray they all come back to me for this moment. I'm about to change somebody's life, I can feel it...

1. Why do we still need an electoral college? Wasn't that put there at the onset because people lacked the technology to count so many votes? We have that now; it's dead weight. Get rid of it.

2. Why can't "astute" people use simple language? It seems "astute" to me to recognize when most of what you say is 1) unnecessary, 2) diverting attention from your actual point, 3) more a monument to yourself than an explication fo your subject. Anytime you use a 6-7 syllable word with a 1 syllable synonym, that's not astute, it's just ass.

3. If I'm fresh outta high school college prep wit a high GPA and a dope SAT score, and I've been accepted to a decent college (in other words, I ain exactly dumb), then what exactly is the purpose of me taking comprehensive core classes? I mean, I can see taking stuff like "research methods" and core courses that are directly related to my major. But if I'm aspiring to be a historian, what's with the mandatory review of 11th/12th grade math (that I hafta pay for)?

You know what happens? It causes the best students, who were already close to underachievers coming out of high school, to believe college will be the same. Then they relax... next thing they know the core is done, and the difficulty level picks up again. But it's hard for them to pick up with it because the repetitiveness of the core locks them into a mode.

If the unnecessary courses are edited out, borderline underachievers would instantly get a better grasp of the college experience and make the necessary adjustments. Students going back to school after a long time out should be the ones for whom core classes are specifically designed to help them refresh their memories.

4. Why are so many girls going blonde when, truth be told, blonde doesn't really work for most of em? Somehow dark hair is going out of style, yet blonde hair makes most people look pretty anemic.

5. Why do so many atheists get bent out of shape about the mention of Someone that doesn't exist to them?

6. Why are there like a million different citation/bibliography styles? I mean, I've heard the "it lets you know what subject the book covers" explanation... Isn't that what reading is for? Wouldn't the title/synopsis/table-of-contents/index/book itself give you a pretty good idea of what the subject is?

I promise, I've gone through enough books for papers in each subject to tell you: it really makes no difference what style the bibliography is. If the information is there, that's all we need; I mean, we are in college. Give us some credit.

Shucks, if "subject indication" is the reason, then it's pretty counter-productive anyway. We actually spend more time trying to write perfect bibliographies than we would spend finding the subject the old fashion way. Give us one writing style and let us find the subject for ourselves and I promise things will go so much smoother.

7. The Bible mostly happened in what, the Middle East? So why are most Biblical issues addressed in and attributed to Italy/Europe? Too much emphasis on the church? Maybe not enough on the Christ?

8. While I'm at it, of all the people that buy into the Da Vinci Code, how many actually read (and understood) the whole Bible to begin with? I mean, you don't hafta agree with it or believe it; but if you didn't get it in the first place, what sense does it make that you disprove something that's not even manifested to you?

9. Not to be racist at ALL, cuz this is actually pretty cool. But I've seen SOOOOO MANY Indian (like, Eastern-Indian, not Native American) identical twins. Has anybody else noticed this? How did that happen man?

10. Why is Africa treated like a country?

...You thought it was a country didn't you. It's a continent man.

11. This one came courtesy of my friend G Rex: If a man wants to risk his own life by driving with no seatbelt, who are the police to stop him? Me, I believe in seatbelts. But not wearing one doesn't actually threaten public safety, does it?

12. Why don't they just up the speed limit on Bobby Jones, since nobody actually does the speed limit?

13. When's the last time you actually saw a police offer do the speed limit? No, I mean with the sirens off...

14. Is it good business for hospitals to cure their patients? (let that sink in for a minute)

15. Can I say "bitch" if it's a female dog to which I'm referring?

16. Can I say "ass" if it's a donkey to which I'm referring?

17. Can I say "hoe" if it's a garden tool to which I'm referring?

18. Ain't it amazing how you can string nothing but cuss words together and it makes a sentence?

19. Do girls gone wild ever become women? (better let that one sink in too)

20. Why do so many people act like they're Batman or something when they get a call on their cell phone... Don't act like you've never seen it: the loud ringtone, the cool answer, the looking around like somebody's on their tail, the get-up-and-leave-in-a-rush (except there's no rush).

21. Why do cats need a hands-free phone when their hands are empty? They walk around lookin like they're flat crazy, talkin' to themselves.

22. Amp'd Mobile, just curious: What made you decide it was cool to let the Black man cuss in your commercial? I bet nobody else gon cuss in one of your commercials ever, but it was cool for the brotha to do it huh? Just askin...

23. I ain saying women can't be strong; girl power and all that jazz. But why do they only use testosterone to make steroids? What about equality man, let's see some estrogen steroids...

24. Why do so many big girls try to wear things that don't fit them? When a big girl wears something too small for her, it actually makes her look bigger cuz everything is being stretched elasti-tight. Why not just be your big beautiful self and be comfortable doing it?

25. Why is Riley everybody favorite character on the Boondocks?

...Do yourselves a favor and don't answer that.

26. Why does "Marcy Carsey" and/or "Carsey-Werner" ring a bell to you?

27. Why is organic food more expensive than processed food when it costs more to process the food than to grow it?

28. Wouldn't Weight Watchers be more effective if it was called Diet Watchers instead?

29. If everything on TV is fake anyway, then what's wrong with me watching cartoons?

30. In 10 years, will anybody remember any of the songs in rotation right now? (Laffy Taffy don't count)

31. How many places did you discover you didn't really hafta go when the gas prices went up?

32. Do you realize the most advanced car on the market is nothing compared to a horse? Think about it: cars got yo husbands overseas fightin for oil right now; a horse's fuel is friggin hay, oats, and a pat on the head. Cars choke the hell outta people in metro areas wit fuel emissions; horses emit fertilizer so you can grow more hay and oats. Cars don't give a d#mn about you, that's why we got radios and navigation systems installed; horses make geek faces and stuff, long as you keep bringing hay and oats.

33. Why do cats get mad if a girl cheats on 'em? LET HER GO. Evidently she doesn't want you THAT bad. Even if you fight to keep her, you'll never fully trust her again. So what exactly are you fighting for?

34. If a girl is cheating on her man with YOU, why exactly do YOU want her? Think about it: she's cheating on her man. You idiot. I shouldn't even hafta explain any further. You're asking for this one 100%.

35. Why-come cats say, "Ayo son" all day, but got a million sons they won't take responsibility for?

36. Why do suburban White kids love 50 Cent so MUCH?! Did White kids admire the strongest slave on the plantation back in the day too?

37. Why-come immigrants own businesses while most college grads just work for em?

38. Why-come you hear more about the d#mn Wookies and Ewoks on Star Wars than any Black character?

39. Why does the driver's seat in any given vehicle lean all the way back?

40. Don't we have weapons of mass destruction? Why isn't anybody coming after us?

41. Man, why were rainbows declared gay? 'Seems like they should be symbolic of something more... racial.

42. Why do animals always know when to get the hizzeck up outta dodge but people always gotta hang around to see what the hurricane gon do...

43. How many token Blacks do you see on TV in a day? I spy: the one Black boy with three White friends who provides comic relief with his dumbness; the disgruntled Black female friend who's down on all men; the one Black dude at the office every chick wants to date; the one Black dude at the office who happens to be flaming gay; the one married Black friend who lives next door; the Black buck who's the muscle on a team full of White heroes.

44. Why do so many people hate on Raven Simone?

45. Why do people in Augusta always talk about going to Atlanta like it's the Promised Land? Or talk about they got family/friends/folks in Atlanta like "you gotta respect me now"?

46. Why do I spy with my lil eye: cats with do-rags on with Yankee baseball caps over them; big shirts wit big Yankee jackets over them; XXL pants and Timbaland boots...in Georgia...in the middle of July...

47. Why is the second largest city in Georgia (that's us ya'll) becoming a retirement city?

48. Why does instrumental music evoke feelings in us?

49. Why not tuck an extra car key in your wallet?

50. Eh, I thought I'd leave this one open to whoever's reading. I would write like 50 more entries, but it's almost 6am and my mind just left the premises.

Take a good look around you. I'm sure you'll find something that doesn't quite add up. And when you find it, ask why. And if nobody can give you a good answer, then say "screw it then"; and boom, your life just mades a little bit more sense. Or somethin like that.

Why Did I Do It? Why Not? B-J