A Lesson On Communication

I was just thinking... I've found myself having to give this speech a million times, and that's just in the year 2007.

I always have a problem getting people to understand that communication is not as simple as sending and receiving messages. You want proof? If it was that simple, there would be no such thing as sarcasm or multiple meanings in prose and poetry. Everything would be taken literally.

So, I thought I'd take a moment while its on my mind and explain to the world how communication really works.

[Spoken] Communication is only 1/3 what is said; the other 2/3s are how it is said and the spirit in which its said. In normal speech, we say one thing, we say it according to its literal meaning, and we say it for an obvious reason. The truth is, most of our speech is not normal. There are not many times during the day when we speak with baseness; we are constantly varying the three dimensions of [spoken] communication to convey deeper meaning than the simple "hello" when we greet each other.

The other day, I told my sister, "You ain't no friend of mine." And she laughed. Does that make sense to you? On paper, no. But in realtime, it would have made perfect since. I said, "You ain't no friend of mine"; I said it in a singsong voice and making ugly facial expressions; I said it as a big brother to a little sister who he could not do without. Without seeing all three of those things, you could easily have misread my communication. But because you now know those three elements--- what was said, how it was said, and the spirit in which it was said--- you're probably laughing to yourself about the absurdity of the statement.

Which is why I don't beleive in waging wars on words. Take another look at the example above. The words spoken were not the words received. Why? Because denotation and vocabulary are, in essence, a miniscule part of communication. So miniscule in fact that you can tell my mood by looking at my face and the ride of my shoulders, and I can tell your background by your interactions with others, and you can tell the forecast by the sky and the lean of the trees, and I can discern your feelings by the gaze of your eyes.

See, the problem with fighting a word is that you're only fighting 1/3 of [spoken] communication; the two thirds still remain. You can tell me not to use the word "hate", but if I say "Whassup" with my lip turned up to you and I'm planning to shoot you when you turn away, there's nothing gained. As a matter of fact, allowing me to say "I hate you" might have given you the chance to run before it was too late. Not to mention, all that's gonna happen is a word substitution: it went from "hate you" to "d#mn you" to "f#ck you". Because the SPIRIT of the words we say is that makes the larger part of communication, not the words themselves.

If you hate me, and you call me a hateful name, yes it might hurt. But the fact is, it hurts more that you hate me than the fact that you called me something hateful. Because guess what? It would hurt me if you said something NICE to me in a hateful manner, or even if your spirit was hateful, and you tried to hide it behind politeness. As a matter of fact, I'd rather people be honest with me than be subtley hateful of me while shaking my hand.

But, one thing about our generation and the generation that gave birth to it: we suck at communication. We don't talk, and when we do talk we don't have anything to say. And when we have something to say, our action--- our body language--- doesn't say the same thing. We need to start emphasizing the heart before we start emphasizing what comes from it. You can turn off a fire alarm if it annoys you; the fire itself it what you need to be concerned with. You can tone down language in hip hop; the inner city depravity is what you need to be concerned with. And all this is a result of miscommunication. Displeasure with the medium shouldn't prevent one from receiving the message. Perhaps, with a greater understanding of communication, we can have a greater understanding of the problems we face and a greater understanding of what needs to be done, and what will only turn off the unpleasant alarms in our society.

And here's some raw communication for ya: what am I communicating by putting that spiel in blockquote? You guessed it... I've already said this before. This time, interalize it. It'll help ya.