To Kwietfire

There was a certain place and time that I found myself trying to recall on last night. Yet again, I was trying to gather my memories to reconstruct a person I felt strongly for. I wish my momma told me how to switch the love panel off...

...Hey, remember the kitchen staff? The janitors? They were so cool back then. I used to speak to 'em every day; the fellas called me Cool Breeze because of my walk, lol. But you, you didn't just talk, you spent time with them. Yeah, I remember that. They LOVED you. I think... you were especially close to that one older lady on the kitchen staff. She crossed my mind the other day, so I couldn't help but remember you.

Remember the cobblestone walkways? That was my favorite place to be late at night. No matter how clear it was, it was always misty beneath the orange lights; the forested areas to either side made that happen, I think. I never told you about that time I came across this lil' rabbit with an attitude did I? Right there in the walkway. He stared me down like I was in the wrong for being there that night. And I promise, I got within 2 feet of this critter, and he DID NOT MOVE. I think he woulda bit me if it came down to it, if you know what I mean. RABIES, kid...

There was one bench we used to sit on where we'd chat about EVERYTHING. The things you don't know about me, I can count on two fingers. Why did I feel like I could spill my guts to you like that; why did you feel you could do the same? How could we laugh with each other so much, get frustrated together so much, talk so much trash, agree to disagree so easily, share so many secrets, think so far ahead together, and not...

But anyway...

That time your big bro came thru to help you pack up was dope! I admit, I was shook at first because I forgot he was coming, and you told me before he was banging, and I was wearing the wrong colors... but he turned out to be a cool fella! I especially admired his diplomacy tactics with your "loveable" suitemates; I'm not an advocate of thuggin', but I can't say it isn't mad effective!

'Sorry about that one incident. I had no idea it was gonna be headlines and bright lights after I called our homeboy with security up, I really didn't. BUT!... I think everybody learned an important lesson, and knowing is half the battle, and education is fundamental, and that's one to grow on, lol. But the thing I remember most about it is that you cried, and it really bothered me to see you cry. Kinda made me feel a lot less sorry for everybody involved, but I never woulda pursued the issue if I knew it was gonna bring you that much stress. I'm sorry.

I still remember where you used to live on campus, cuz I was over there how many hours a day? There was always some infomercial on the TV, or some trashy dating show. I remember that day I gave you my Foxy Brown CD, and you tried to put me up on some Petey Pablo (I'm sorry Shawt, that boi just ain't sank in yet, lol) I remember the marketing companies you tried to get me to sign up for, but I STILL don't trust those gimmicks, and I HOPE they haven't shafted you yet, lol. But I admired your determination at it; you were a real go-getter, to use the cliche that neither Jeezy nor R. Kelly created.

I remember that time you blew up my voicemail after I left... I thought it was hilarious and cute at the time. But now, it just hurts. Really, really hurts. Badly. I miss you so much... I got a call from the school earlier this semester; I knew you weren't there anymore, but I was DYING hoping it was you. 'Turned out to be some telethon to raise money for the school, lol. By the way, weren't you the one that talked me into doing that dadgom telethon thing in the first place? If it was you, I just wanted to let you know I haven't forgotten about that waste of an hour... Most BORING hour of my school career, and they had the nerve to get mad at me for being entertained by that one lady's answering machine that had 5 minutes worth of "please hang up" messages!

You stand out in my mind because you were so many things naturally that I don't regularly expect to see in a person. The only thing you weren't when I met you was saved, and you even got saved eventually; couldn't go to Heaven and not see you up there, homie. But talk about not seeing the forest for the trees! How did I miss you when you were right underneath me, LITERALLY?! Well... know dis: I have a high standard now, it's all because of you, so... big-up yaself on that.

I'm supposed to be trying to forget you now, but that's laughable. You shouldn't have talked on the phone with me so much, cuz I can still hear your voice, and it still makes me smile. You'd better be smiling wherever you are. Cuz if I find out you're not, expect to see me in a hot-grease minute.

Matt