I Don't Cry in the Dark...

...but I should. Soooo much energy I've expended, just trying to contain myself. Making the right decisions in spite of myself; being hospitable in spite of myself; being patient in spite of myself; being hopeful in spite of myself. I'm tired as heck... but I just won't crack.

The reason I don't crack? It's because of a little something I've learned in the course of living: you can go your whole life and keep it nothing but real; it's the one time that you don't come thru by which you will be judged. By people that is.

Do I care what people think? Nope... most people don't even deserve the credit they do receive. But, opinions can be annoying nonetheless; people tend to make and break alliances on word-of-mouth, so I try to stay in good graces with folks. If nothing else, maintain the lil bit of respect I'm blessed with.

Before I get any further off topic: if I don't cry in the dark, what DO I do? Same as you: I take my clothes off, I lie down, I close my eyes. Because there's nobody watching, nowhere to go, and nothing to see. I might pray, which is something I do throughout the day anyway. Fantasizing? I did that already; it didn't work for me (what is it actually supposed to do anyway?).

I take advantage of the fact that, when the lights are out, my job is done. There's nothing I can do about anything. If I'm sad, there's nothing I can do about it. If I'm up to my neck, there's nothing I can do about it. If I'm worried, there's nothing I can do about it. Lonely? Nothing. Restless? Nothing. Pissed off? Too bad.

I don't care what happens to me; when the night falls, I sleep like my life is over. I don't really have time to cry, and it wouldn't really help me anyway. That's time I could be using to sleep.

And on that note, I should be asleep right now. Might get lucky and have a sweet dream or sumn. But if I don't... there's nothing I can do about that either.