Let Love Happen

I shouldn't be here right now; I should be about 30 some-odd miles away in Trenton, South Carolina. At Family Day at my old church.

In a minute.

So, my sister's homie says I'm an observer, and she's right. I can talk anybody through a relationship and give good, sound advice; I just don't play the game myself. As much as I like love and love romance, I haven't allowed it to run its course in my life.

Love... is never convenient for me. It's always the wrong person, or there's no room in my life, or this isn't the proper place, or its gonna jack up my plans, or I'm afraid of rejection, or she's too young, or she's too old, or she's outta my league, or this, or that...

But, what if I just let love happen? Well, I've let plenty of things happen before; they always turn out bad that way. My life isn't some tightrope that I walk; it's a complex spiderweb. And like a spider, I like to be in control of everything that happens in it. Why? Because what happens in one part of my life affects every other part, just like a spider can detect a disturbance anywhere on its web.

I really need to go right now but, in a minute...

As much as I try to keep an optimistic outlook on things, in the back of my mind I'm definitely a Murphy's Law type of person. It's hard to see it because I'm always prepared when worse comes to worst, but that preparation is the giveaway in itself. I don't think about the good that can come from relationships because good things don't require much; it's the bad things that demand attention. And a lot of decisions I make in love have to do with avoiding the bad things: dissatisfaction, hard feelings between otherwise good friends, regrets, shots to one's pride, lost energy, broken concentration, etc.

I can't really afford any of those things. Not because they're so terrible, but because of what I've dedicated my life to achieving, which is making a difference. I can't make a difference with my mind only partially dedicated to the effort. No distractions.

...I really gotta go. Three more minutes...

My Sunday School fellas might not know this, but sometimes I catch em tryna be romantic toward the young ladies. It's no big thing though; I actually think its cool that they're as forward as they are. I've never been that type of cat, but I've got mad respect for cats that put it out there all the time. There's something to be said for that... I'm not sure what though, lol.

Alright, my three minutes are up. SC bound.