Soft Sunrise

Well... I said I would be deep in the covers right now. But you wouldn't believe it; no sooner than I typed the last word did I hear droplets outside my window. God decided to make it a cloudy morning; the sun isn't coming just yet. It's just good right now, so I figure I'll keep writing.

Rainy mornings remind me of my grandfather and his gray car. When we were little and it would rain before the bus came to take us to school, Grandpa would warm up the car and give my sister and I a ride. lol, He had to be the slowest driver in the world. But I didn't mind at all. It was a comfortable, dry, safe ride. If only it wasn't always to school, lol.

...Kinda feels like my life in a nutshell, come to think of it.

Simply Red's "Holding Back the Years" holds so much significance right now. I remember back living in the country, when it used to rain in the Spring or Summer (I like capitalizing seasons; sue me). Since it was fairly warm during those times of year, we used to open the window and let the rainy air fill the house. I'll tell you, there is NOTHING that compares to country air when it rains. It's one of those things that could probably heal the sick, I kid you not. There's life in that air, just like there's life in soul music.

Nostalgia is a funny thing. I've realized that at any point in life, you can have a positive or negative outlook. And it's not so much what's going on that makes the difference, but how you choose to see it. That same country air that was so welcoming was also a place of great solitude and loneliness for me. Depending on how I feel, I see it one way or I see it another.

And I was thinking yesterday evening; I don't always want to be happy to be honest. I mean, I can put on a sunny disposition at will. But if I put on a happy face all the time when I'm really hurting inside, then who's gonna take the time to give me that hug I need, ya know? By the same token, my world's not exactly falling apart either; it's a bit exaggerated for me to be moping around or anything.

It's ironic, but it just so happens I love cloudy days. Not stormy clouds, mind you, but the type of clouds that make for a soft sunrise. I guess that's like my personality; close to sorrow, but never too far from happiness. Where the sun could break through at any minute and turn a somber start into the brightest day... or not, lol.

Hm... I don't know what the forecast is for the rest of the day. But I like how this all went down; rain or shine, I think I'm gonna leave the house and find something to occupy my time.

Hopefully Rain B-J