The Truth Hurts... The Truthful

I hate lying to people. But sometimes, I even hate telling the truth. I'm not talking about the truths of life or the truth of God's word, but the truth pertaining to personal things.

Why do I lie? Don't get me wrong, it's not a habit; 90% of the time, I tell people the truth. 50% of that 90%, I live to regret it. So every now and then, depending on who it is, I lie about some things.

But that still doesn't answer the question. So here's why: because, for these certain people, when I tell the truth, they don't know what to do with it. They take the truth, and they use it to belittle me. They take the truth, and they use it to analyze me. They take the truth, and they use it to put me under a microscope and judge me. They take the truth, and they make a bigger deal of it than I do when I'm the only one that's living my life.

I mean, have you ever had a problem, and you've made your peace with God about it, and you know He's working it out... and then comes along somebody in your life who takes that problem and uses it to get a "1-up" on you? I mean, you don't wanna lie, but you don't wanna open up to "snipers".

It's bad because, with some people, it's automatic for me to not be straight up. I've conditioned myself to know how they're gonna react every time... Correction: I didn't condition myself; THEY conditioned me by never failing to do what they do every--- single--- time. Flat out, sometimes I don't tell the truth because people can't be trusted with the truth. That's no excuse, of course, but that's a hard habit to break.

And like I said, it's not a frequent thing for me; 'matter of fact, I avoid certain people just so I don't feel forced to lie. My closest friends, I have NO hang-ups about being truthful with. Why? Because they never use the truth to hurt me; we share the same experiences and they react by being empathetic. It's never a "You did/said/thought/felt WHAT? We've gotta work on that..."; it's an "I feel you; had the same thing happen to me. Don't worry bout it, you'll get through."

Of course, the obvious flipside of all this is, "If you always did the right thing, then you'd have no reason to be reluctant." Good.

1. You're wrong. Cuz 90% of the time people don't critique to correct, they just do it to make themselves feel good. Meaning, they'll come at you even if you're doing everything right and MAKE UP wrongs. They tease smart kids for being gifted; they crucified Jesus for being perfect. There's no such thing as begin "right" in the eyes of the people.

2. If YOU always did the right thing, then maybe you'd be in a position to even make that statement. But since you didn't, you're not. Plain and simple.

And then there's the, "Why don't you man-up and tell the truth and just take the results?" Fair enough. The problem is retaliation: I'm not far from it. I can't remember why I've been so patient for so long; I mean, I know why, but I can't "feel" it anymore. I can't afford to retaliate, but at the same time I don't really even care. I would like nothing better than for somebody to open their mouth to give me an excuse to cock back and do irrevocable damage to it; the punching bag in my living room is not an accessory.

I'm not aa patient as I used to be; I just control my circumstances so that my patience doesn't get tried as much.

Oh, and by the way; this IS the wrong way of thinking about things. So you don't hafta tell me that, like I don't already know it, like the words weren't formed in my own mind.

By and large, I'm a very honest person. And one day, when I don't need anybody's support, I'll be totally honest... because no one will control any aspect of my life. Heck, maybe one day I'll be insane enough to just let people take shots at me for no good reason and I'll just act like they're doing me a favor. But, most likely, I'll find myself in a sho'nuff fistfight before that happens.

Just Kidding... Maybe B-J