I Win. Next...

"Like a matador, I see the bull coming..."
-from a verse written in 1999-2000

Heh... It's seven years later, and no sooner than I announce I'm ready to make a move, the enemy swarms in. Crashes my computer, jacks me for my Afro pick, puts this painful red dot on my right eye. But that just made me see red...

When it was all said and done, I was sitting in a fresh studio with space to seat 8; fresh computer with all my data backed up so I never missed a step. I even found my missing Afro pick on a whim. You might rough me up, but wit a God this big you can't take me out...

I'm not a fighter because I want to be a fighter; I'm a fighter because I was born at war. I was under attack before I even knew I had enemies. But once I knew about this battlefield called life, I took on the philosophy of Rico Wade: "We sit back and watch FOR the bullsh!t, cuz you know it's coming... you KNOW it's coming..."

I'm probably using the term incorrectly, but it's correct for my purposes, and that's what matters: I'm a conflict theorist. The fact is, most of the time, life is going to offer you some sort of conflict; you might as well bank on it. A conflict doesn't hafta be physical: it can be emotional, psychological, spiritual, philosophical, internal, external, socio-economical... no matter who you are, what age you are, you're gonna know somethin' about conflict by the time you leave this Earth.

I find that, when I relax in one conflict, I can expect a new one to arise at any moment; I never feel "safe". Don't get me wrong, there are often times when everything is "cool". The thing is, even when it's "cool", conflict is so unpredictable... Put it like this: it doesn't matter when trouble comes, only that you be prepared when it arrives. For me, putting your dukes down is like inviting the haymaker; whether you get it immediately or later on, the fact is you get it. So I stay on my guard at nearly all times. Cuz haymakers suck.

At the same time, you can't keep your dukes up forever; sometimes the best defense is a good offense. Take the last two weeks for instance; in the last two weeks I've had enough happen to me to last me... period. But for every problem that rose against me, I invested time in shutting it down as quickly as possible. Best example: my computer crashed on me. Not only did it crash on me, but it crashed on me after an unprecedented 7 years of operation. When did it crash? Not on a regular day: on the very day I decided to get my studio fully functional for the first time ever.

When it happened, you know what I said to myself? "'Figures." Did I panic? Nope... You see, a year ago, I invested in an external hard drive. 'Cuz I knew it was coming, feel me? 'Matter of fact, I backed all my information up for the umpteenth just last week. 'Cuz I knew it was coming, feel me? So, when she crashed on me, I just picked up the pieces. 'Came home with a new computer the very next day. Transferred all the info and reinstalled all the programs. Got back online. Found myself in a better circumstance than I had been before. I still got this splinter in my eye, but I owed the enemy a wink-wink anyway...

I've thought this to myself so many times: "all I ever tried to do in this piece is live in peace". But you get to a point where you realize that's a lot to ask--- this is war. As much value as we attach to reason, life simply isn't reasonable; not by our standards. Thankfully, God looks out for us in the midst of it. But remember: God expects his people to be like Gideon. Remember Gideon at the water's edge? How he remained on his guard, even as he drank?

He was just lucky the water wasn't poisoned.

>;-p B-J