The Hush

Sitting home alone. It's not as bad as one might think; I'm one of the few who isn't afraid of solitude. Still, there's some disadvantages to being alone.

When you live like I do--- always thinking about the state of the world and those around you--- you don't smile a heck of a lot. Matter of fact, you feel downright ugly about things. Add personal problems to the mix and you get one heck of a bad mood. The feelings that well up in my chest can sometimes only be described as outrageous--- like rage just bursting to get out.

And when it's really bad... well, there's nobody to turn to. It's not one of those things you can talk about easily. Mom's not here to hug her boy anymore; no love in my life to take her place. And anybody else... even if I get a hug, they don't really understand my feelings. So I don't feel any better.

But I get by. Sometimes you gotta be your own best friend. The first thing I do is accept that there's nobody around; it's not a natural thing because man is a social creature... but it's the truth. Then, I sorta step outside of myself; definitely not something you do in public, because people will think you're crazy for it.

I talk myself down. But it's not like having a conversation with myself; actually, just the opposite. When I feel like cussin' my head off, I simply go, "SHHHHH....shhhh...shhh..sh..." I hush myself into submission.

It doesn't make anything better, but neither does that hug; it simply cools my head enough to maintain and keep things in perspective. After all, it's only life. Even when I have it bad, there's plenty of folks who have it worse.

(For the record, I hate when people gimme that lame line. Different tolerances...)

Shhhhhh.... Isn't that a universal signal by now? I mean, just shhh yourself... Do we all feel calmness when we hear that? Do we all think of our mothers, or think of babies and bedtimes? Whatever it is, it works for this big baby. Good job, Mom. I'm off to bed now...