Leave Me Alone! (not exactly... JUST READ!)

Could you imagine... let's see... Imagine you're defusing a bomb, right? You've got 4.5 seconds to decide if you're gonna cut the red wire or the blue wire; one brings instant death, the other saves you and everyone in your near vicinity. You're almost sure which wire does what, but you can't quite remember; it's on the tip of your tongue.

Now imagine, while you're doing all this, that somebody's singing--- let's just say the Barney theme song for effect--- all in ya ear. Yeah... that's how I feel most of the time.

See, it's funny, people always associate me with doing things of a certain caliber. Lemme break it down so you can get a better understanding: anybody that knows me will tell you that I don't f#ck around. About anything. And they love that, because they can count on me like they can't even count on their own government.

'Same time, the reason I'm so consistent and so precise is because I'm so focused. And I mean allll the time. It has nothing to do with if I'm having a good day or a bad day; every day, every moment of the day, my mind is always moving faster than the situation calls for. Why am I this way? Don't even ask; I could give you a million reasons. And not one of these reasons is good enough to convince you to be of the same mind.

A long time ago, I dedicated myself to making the world a better place. And, while most of you reading this may have good intentions for your life as well, I'm willing to bet most of you don't meditate on that day and night. But it's second nature to me; I've wanted to change the world since I was young, and I've always believed it was possible. But I only thought it was possible through a great effort, which I was more than willing to give up.

What I didn't realize was that it might take a little more than one person going berserk to make an impact. And that really really sucks. I promise you, if I could pull off everything on my own, I would.

There was a young lady who came with a homie of mine to my crib once after my mom passed. Later, my homie told me she was concerned about me living in a house by myself like that. And I had another friend who worried about me too; this one also worried about me working myself to death.

It... feels really nice to know anybody even thought twice about me like that. But, for those people who worry about me, I just wanna let you know I'm totally fine in solitude. Being alone is one thing; being lonely another; and another thing still is being alone and lonely in a crowd. And that's me.

It's actually more frustrating for me to be around others most of the time than to be by myself. Around others, it's hard to find anybody compatible with me. I always find myself making the best of people who pick at me (and even though I don't retaliate, that iggs me, because I'm a maaad sensitive cat!), trying to bend others to gimme a hand at accomplishing something that I wanna do but they're really not into, or explaining my eccentricities to someone so they can categorize me for their own satisfaction and convenience.

But like I said, it really means something when I know people think about me every now and then. That person used to be my mom, ya know? She was the one that was most concerned about her boy before she departed. But I dunno, I'm just tired of people most of the time! I mean, most of the time, if something's going wrong with me, there's another person at fault. And I'm just not the type to create conflict unless absolutely necessary; I let people get away with EVERYTHING. So, in my freetime, I simply don't give anybody the opportunity to cross me, feel me?

So, yeah, I'm solo most of the time. Some animals roll in groups, some don't. I'm a don't. I was raised in the country off a dirt road where there was only one family, and that was my family. I used to talk to trees and chill in solitude, with the exception of my baby sis and all. I'm not afraid of darkness, and I'm not afraid of solitude. I think... I think most people who are uncomfortable with solitude are that way because they spent most of their lives around others; it's natural to be sociable. But I spent most of my life frustrated and/or isolated, and I'm accustomed to that. You can literally lock me in a room for a week, and a week later I'll be the same cat you put in there. Cuz hell, I used to lock MYSELF in the room, feel me?

It's really just a dot. I just want those folks that worry about me to know, I'ma be alright. Heck, I AM alright. I'm just an odd cat who's more productive one-on-one than in a group. If you don't believe it, I just did a song and collaborated with myself... 2 times.

Check it out; I think it came out pretty nice, don't you?

Jigabod feat. Battlecataclysmic and Victim Vincent - "Issue"

Yup, beat, and the lyrics for all three verses. Now, if I had collaborated, this song would still be in the works. I wouldn't even bet with you on that because it just wouldn't be fair. But I got the whole shabang done, and I think it's one of my best ever. You shoulda seen me in the studio by myself runnin... okay, that actually wasn't fun because I did hafta run, since nobody was working the computer while I was spitting. But still... it worked out didn't it?

LEAVE ME ALONE B-J