A Raisin in the Sun... Was Once a Grape

How in the world did I become so sensitive? It's not even funny... It's like I've got my own form of ESP that causes EVERYTHING to hit me in the chest...

I just came home from a play. I was supposed to be there just supporting my friend in her acting career (excellent performance by the way). But I can't just sit there and watch this play: I hafta identify with a character; I hafta relate situations in the play to situations in my life; I hafta ask God why Walter (or anybody for that matter) can't risk something and just win; I hafta have real feelings about a fictional production.

I hate plays...

So who is Walter? Well, I guess I'd better explain the play before I go any further. The play I saw was "A Raisin in the Sun" by Lorraine Hansberry. It was about an urban Black family--- a man, his wife, their son, the man's sister and mother all living in the mother's house--- "back-in-the-day" trying to make a better life for themselves using the insurance money from their patriarch's passing. Walter is the son of that patriarch, and the male head of the household.

But that's not the part that I identify with...

Walter is a cab-door opener for the White people in the city of Chicago. The "problem" is, he's not satisfied with that; he feels he deserves to live prosperously, as they do. He feels his family should be well-off, his wife draped in pearls, his son able to become whatever he wants, and he with the privilege of having a White man saying "yessir" to him instead of the opposite. In short, he has dreams.

THAT's what I identify with...

His goal is to take the insurance money from his father's passing (technically, his mother's money) and start a successful liquor business with it. Was this a good idea? I mean, from a capitalist's perspective, yes; personally, as a Christian, I wouldn't support starting a liquor business.

But that's a dot; I'm getting sidetracked...

Put simply, when I saw how the people closest to him reacted to Walter's dreaming... that's where I saw myself. I mean, the people around him loved him, no doubt. But they lacked his vision. Take his mother for instance; she said she was against it because Walter's idea was a liquor business, and she was a Christian...

I didn't see it as that. Think about it: if you don't agree with someone's dreams and you love that person, then you help them create another dream; you don't just shoot down his dream and act like "that's-that". I think it was more along the lines of his wife's reasoning: the fact that taking risks can lead to bad results. Something that "everyone knows".

I'm talking about Walter, but I'm speaking from experience...

I'm not saying I agree with a man spending more time with friends than family, but I can relate to Walter when he talked about spending so much time with "Willie and the fellas"; they supported him, and his family did not. Granted, Willie stabbed Walter in the back (figuratively) before it was all said and done; had he not done that, risk would have been rewarded. Willie did what Willie did because Lorraine Hansberry wrote that into a script; I hafta keep telling myself that...

I feel like I'm losing my train of thought here, so I'm going to make this quick.

It hurt me to see Walter fight for a dream with no support, then come up short due to circumstances beyond his control and hafta shoulder the entire blame; that could easily be me someday. Yes, his wife warned him that Willie was shady; the fact is, she would have said Willie was shady even if Willie wasn't. Because Willie proved to be shady, we say she's an intuitive, wise woman; if Willie hadn't done what he did, we would've said she was meddlesome and desperate for attention. I can't think of one female I've seen in a relationship who was ever happy when her significant other was spending much time with his homies (feel free to correct me if I'm wrong, I can only say what I've seen). This is just how things work in real life.

The whole scene made me think of something...

How many plays, movies, stories, etc. are there about people taking risks and coming back empty-handed to some "I-told-you-so's" from the people that "love" them? I mean... if real life was like that, where risk was never rewarded, then NOBODY would ever be successful. Think about it...

I had to tell myself that after watching this play. This classic play, as powerful and "wise" as it is, also creates this sense of helplessness to a person like me--- a young, Black man who wants more from life than what he's offered. It creates this spirit that says, "You can't go beyond; you hafta settle where you are or be destroyed". And it compensates by having a moment of triumph at the end, where Walter steps out on faith, refuses to be paid off by a White man to stay out of a White neighborhood, and moves his family from urbania to suburbia.

I'm making my points with bias, yes. 'Know why? Because it's fiction; if the story was real, I would treat it as such. But I hafta remind myself that it's fiction, because my instinct is to let this work move me and defer my dreams. And while I'm at it, allow me to give you this poem that was the inspiration for "A Raisin in the Sun"; a piece by Langston Hughes called "A Dream Deferred""

What happens to a dream deferred?
Does it dry up
Like a raisin in the sun?
Or fester like a sore---
And then run?
Does it stink like rotten meat?
Or crust and sugar over---
Like a syrupy sweet?

Maybe it just sags
Like a heavy load.

Or does it explode?

Mr. Hughes, it does ALL these things. And not just to the dreamer, but to those who watch the dreamer, like we who were privileged to be in the audience at the production.

I've got one more thing to touch on before I go. You know I love romance, so I gotta go there before I leave...

The character Ruth, Walter's wife in the play, was the role played by my friend (did I mention Ruth was very beautiful?). And Ruth holds significance to me, not just because my friend was in the role, but because she represents something that troubles me as an activist.

As much as I love love, I'm reluctant to fall into it. Why? So many reasons, but this is the one pertaining to this situation: when a man falls in love, then love and wife and family take priority. And his dreams become... so much more dreamlike. As in, unattainable.

I mean, don't get me wrong, Walter's dreams were dreams FOR his family, so it's a little different than my situation. Let's put it in perspective: if Walter's dream is for his family, then my dream is for people like Walter, feel me? Why? Because, due to family and responsibility and attachments, Walter can't afford to risk anything for a brighter future. You shoulda heard what was goign on in my head as I sat in the audience:

"TOO SOON Brotha! You tied the knot TOO SOON! Awww dawg, she's fine, but you married her TOO SOON!!"

Me, on the other hand... I've got nothing to lose but my mind. That's how I always wanted it. Not that I want to be single forever (I don't think) or go crazy (I don't think), but I do want to be available to do what I can when the time comes. So many brothas have given up on so much, and all because they had families and got responsibilities with them.

It's admirable; the world isn't changing. You've still gotta move to a "White" neighborhood to live comfortably...


One thing I know: whoever I fall in love with, she's gotta be a special type of woman. Because... I have a lot of dreams. Some men need a Ruth to keep them from opening liquor stores; some men need a Coretta Scott King to help them set the world on fire. Some men dream for their families; some men dream for the world.

A Raisin in the Sun was Once a Grape... (BANG) B-J