A Writer's Reason

To be honest, I haven't been satisfied with any of the last entries I've written. But I just didn't want to stop writing. I feel something deep within me, and it just seems like I should be able to express it in writing. I've done it many times before, but it seems to get more and more difficult each time I do it.

But the feeling is still here, no doubt about it.

So, why writing? Why do I feel that writing is the only way for me to express it? Well, it's like this...

If I were to make a song about what I feel, only a few people would actually listen; most people don't have the attention spans to do anything but hear the beat. That's what they tell me anyway; I'm not making this up...

If I were to talk to someone... well, the truth is, most people I know aren't good listeners. What is a good listener? It's a person who takes what you say word for word with no agenda of their own distracting them. It's a person who takes you as seriously as they would want you to take them; and believe it or not, there aren't many people who are good at doing that. It's a person who knows how to be the receiving end of the conversation without interjecting their ideas at every interval and throwing you off your train of thought. It's a person who you know is listening because they care about you, not because it's their job, like a therapist...

If I were to paint a picture, everyone would have their own interpretation of that picture, and it would probably be an interpretation based on their own experience moreso than the experience of the artist. Not only that, but one moment doesn't convey quite the meaning of a sequence of events. And if I were to paint a sequence of events, it would take me ten years to finish the thought...

As I'm writing this, I just realized something. Why doesn't the stuff that works for everybody else work for me? It's like, because I know the procedure so well, I'm too aware of the process to let it happen and not feel like I'm faking my way through it. It's like pretending to believe in Santa Claus because your parents get so much pleasure thinking you still believe in him, but you yourself know better and think it's overall stupid...

It's strange, but ya know what I think might actually make me feel better? Instead of me trying to voice myself so much, I think if somebody did this one thing for me, it would help me a lot...

There's something about a female voice that does something awesome to me. A woman with a beautiful voice absolutely destroys me. And it doesn't even hafta be a full-out Broadway singer; I LOVE to hear a vocalist simply croon out a tune; I love to hear a housewife's hum; I love to hear the mere speech of a soft-spoken lady. To have someone who could sing to me every now and then, or who just loves to sing to herself and would let me be around her. That would really send me.

I'm not the club type of person, but I might find myself hitting a jazz club up every now and again, just to escape to my lil singer and such. Or maybe it's time I leave the confines of the crib and my studio mineshaft in search of a young lady to share my time with.

But c'mon... I mean, honestly, I don't wanna stop right now! I've waited so long to get somewhere, ANYWHERE with my efforts, and I'm THERE right now! I don't wanna make time to stop for fear of losing my motivation again. And, in the spirit of what I said a little earlier about faking it, nobody can tell me "you won't lose your motivation"; Experience itself has proven otherwise, so I'm not even gonna pretend you're right about that.

Write-on though; this entry felt a little better I must admit. Until I make time, I'm gonna hafta make do with getting my feelings out here. The grind is all I feel like I'm here for right now, and when I get to the nitz gritz, it'll all be worth it. Heck, maybe by then I'll have earned the right to be serenaded.

That's motivation.

Blog Out B-J