Obsoletion: A New Beginning

What can I do...

Augusta--- heck, the world--- is becoming everything I ever feared it would. Rampant murders, sub-urban gangs, disintegrated families, political corruption, religious confusion, class struggle... you name it, all spinning out of control.

It's no surprise at all though; it's been going on since before I was born. But what gets me is that, even though I'm only 24, I've lived long enough to see a noticeable change for the worse. And I had made up in my mind a long time ago that all I wanted to exist for was be an instrument to make sure things didn't get any worse. I know it sounds crazy, but it's true. And I believed in that.

But nah... all I've been to this point is a mere student, just like everybody else around me, minus the blind conformity. I mean, I've always had plans and ideas to make an impact, but I've never had the facilities to... I hate giving this spiel, so I'm gonna stop right there.

What can I do...

Aight, here it is: I'm too far gone to turn back, ladies and gents. Revolution is my mode and my mentality, period. And I simply don't know how I could ever back down from that and live with myself. Because, when you know better, you do better; it doesn't make logical sense to know the facts, know the truth, know the reality, and then not act accordingly. I sat at a graduation today, and I tried my best to be happy for the graduates, knowing full well that the entire structure and all its pomp and prestige is just a facade. And, as I sat there and choked on my own gut, it just made it more clear to me...

If I can't change my world, then it's time for me to leave it.

I know what it sounds likem, but nah, I'm not suicidal by a long shot. I was just thinkin'... Maybe this city--- this country--- isn't the place for me after all, ya know? I mean, if the American way doesn't suit me, there are other places that aren't part of America (yet) that I could relocate to. Ontario, Canada for instance...

So I'm running away from the fight, right? Nah, not at all. But lemme tell you what's really on my mind: obsoletion ('obsoleteness' is the proper word, but I like my word better). I feel that my strength and effectiveness are waning. I feel that everything that I've sought to accomplish needed to be accomplished years ago and that, by now, maybe the times have changed too much, and the hearts of the people have hardened beyond what I can reach. Through my music at least...

But no, I'm not gonna stop trying. This is what I'm ultimately getting at: if I try, and if I fail, then I'm out. Outta here. That's all I'm saying. I can't see myself giving my all and, nevertheless, finding myself in an unfazed environment. I'm not Captain America, so I'm DEFINITELY not going down with the ship, feel me?

I feel stupid saying all this, because I knew that I was hoping against hope when I first decided to live this type of life. I already know the world's destiny according to God's Word, and my life has been spent trying to salvage what I can of its impending wreckage...

The concept of fight or flight is that when we're confronted with situations, we make a choice of whether to stand our ground and resist, or to retreat and give way. This is not the choice with which I'm faced. As a matter of fact, there's no choice at all: I will fight. And the outcome of that fight will determine my next course of action; either I will remain and reap the benefits of victory, or I will leave so as to not spend my existence rebuilding amongst the mindless destruction around me. Simple.

A funny thing about being obsolete though; obsoletion does not equal uselessness. Only... inadequacy. And inadequacy all depends on what one is trying to accomplish; I'm not after the same thing as my adversaries. So, even in the face of obsoletion, I represent a new beginning. And it's too early to be concerned with the end.

You Can Teach a New Dog Old Tricks, and They'll Still Be New to Him B-J