Loose Lips Sink Ships

Aight, I had to catch myself today, I admit it.

You know what? I can be downright mean if I don't watch out; I caught myself and what I was thinkin' today, and it was like... "Wwooooow, why couldn't I be this mean back when I was little?"

But you know, that very instant, I realized that that was the source of my meanness? The getting picked on when I was little and all that, it's still sitting there somewhere inside me. And I'm constantly releasing the beast bit-by-bit.

Don't get me wrong, I'm harmless, I'm a pup. But that's because I don't let cats push me enough to let the dog out. There's something I realized that makes me reluctant to let loose. See, when I was little, I got picked on for things that weren't true about me, like being seen as a weakling, because I always knew how strong I really was. Or being compared to Steve Urkel just because I was smart and had glasses: I didn't snort or fall down or anything like that, I was a cool lil fella.

But the reason I don't wanna retaliate is this: they made up stuff to use to pick on me; when I think of going at people nowadays, I go at 'em about stuff that I know is TRUE about 'em. I'm part psychologist, part sociologist, part theologist; it's nothing for me to figure a person out at first glance. So, if I choose to tear somebody down, it's not something they're gonna walk away from with ease.

And sometimes, I find myself thinking about the nicest lil punches! Like, I saw this cat on MySpace today who called himself an "original artist", but his picture was like a cut-and-paste of every contemporary gospel artist I've ever seen... overly dressed with the matching shades and all. And this other chick had a picture with her leg up on a tree... but she kinda had legs like an iguana a little bit.

And every other Black female's account I saw had sumn about them wanting a thug or a hood n!gga or whatnot... And personally, I was just finding more and more reasons not to feel sorry for 'em when they get turned out. But again, the socio-psycho-theologist in me saw everything behind it and slipped the Beretta back in the holster.

Yeah, I tell myself "Down Boy" so many times in the run of a day that I don't even notice it really. It's a reflex. That's one reason I love when my folks call me B.Cat, because most of the day, I'm mentally poised. I'm dead-set focused like a leopard about to drop from his tree. But I never follow through.

Which brings up another issue... What gives me the right to smash on people? I mean, it's one thing if it's something like pimps, pushers, hoes, politicians, sorry parents, murderers... people actually tearing society down. (And on a sidenote, that's who a loooot of these cats on MySpace portray themselves as...) But, I sometimes wanna go at people just for... little stuff... I guess. Little stuff like... the stuff you see on College Hill. Which, to me, isn't little, but then agian, it's all relative...

But, "let He who is without sin cast the first stone" and such. I mean, I know perfectly well that I'm not without sin. But I definitely try to do right, and I know when I'm wrong. And at the points in my life when I was at my best, that's when I was the most belittled. So from time to time, I get this lil' urge to try cats, just for making me sick.

I don't mean to sound like a baby, but somewhere inside I'm saying, "It's not fair", and wishing I could deal what I was dealt to somebody else more deserving. But you know what? Even if I don't follow through and forever crush somebody's ego, it feels good to know that I can, lol.

So, now you know; if you ever try to ram with me, be made aware and realize that you're the Titanic, and I'm...

THA MOTHAFUNKIN ICEBERG B-J