Uglybone

Honestly, I haven't been saying much of what's really on my mind. Why? Cuz I don't even like thinkin' about it, so I figured it would be even less pleasureable to read. Then again, people like to take whatever you give 'em and use it against you--- "well, if he's thinking this, then I'm better than he is, more righteous than he is, etc.--- you know the drill.

But shucks, I love a challenge; have fun playin' with yourself (<-----it's only as bad as you interpret it to be B-J)

Anywasy, I'm sitting here toggling ideas; some stuff I've been sitting on for months, some stuff is very recent, as in 30 minutes ago. None of it is very "extensive", so I figured I'd combine 'em all into one big 'ol entry called "Uglybone". You know they say 'beauty is only skin deep'? Well, this is the ugly underneath all this pretty. And yes, I am pretty; my grandmama said I was, and she wudn't a liar.

1. Dear Barack Obama: You'd better not f#ck this up for us...

I've been praying for months about this thang; it's really been eating me up. I pray that the Good Lord Jesus Christ has mercy on us all on this one. I mean, we've fought for so long and so hard as Black people in America to get some irrevocable recognition and power. And here he is: 45 years young, vibrant, in-the-know, from the streets of Chicago... Barack Obama, getting ready to take the Presidency of the United States.

...And he's a Muslim. Which kinda leads me to my point.

As I look at the world, everything seems to look soooo familiar... AH YES! Now I remember! It looks just like the END TIMES that the Bible warned us about! Yeah! That's it!...

SO, in these end times, they say an anti-Christ is supposed to rise up to power...

Wooooow man....

Yo, I WANT Barack to win (I wouldn't mind Hilary either at that). But maaaaaaaaaaan, it's not WORTH IT if he's "the one". I mean, just imagine if this cat was THE anti-Christ... How devastating a blow would that be to the Black people of America?! We FINALLY 'get there', only to be represented by the most evil incarnation this world has ever seen!? C'mon Jesus! I know it's getting close to that time, but PLEASE put that thang off for another decade or two! WE'RE JUST GETTING OUR FIRST SHOT!! I mean, that's MEAN man! All this struggle just to put THE anti-Christ in office?! I mean yes, he's a Muslim, which technically means he is AN anti-Christ. But, there's plenty of those out there; he doesn't have to be THE anti-Christ! HELP US OUT HERE JESUS!!!

2. Me and Mrs. Jones

The Bible says, "Thou shalt not covet." It's one of those commandments that you hear, but that you don't hear. Because you never find yourself wanting much of anything that anyone else has; at least, nothing that you can't go out and buy yourself.

...wwWOMEN can't be bought. Lemme rephrase that.

...wwWIVES can't be bought. Lemme rephrase that (dadgum new-age complicated world!)

...Innnndividuals can't be bought.

See, I'm still single as all get-out. And overall I'm pretty cool with it, but I still love being in the company of women, period. The problem is every woman who has been on my mind over the last BUNCH of weeks... is married. Married, married, married.

It's pretty black-and-white to be honest: married = off-limits = do-not-covet. Simple. But no, it's not that simple. Like I told you before, this isn't something I'm used to; I didn't hafta deal with this marriage thing until I got to college. Since I've been in college, I've had about one lasting friendship with someone, and she got married. When she got married, I was still hella attached to her; matter of fact, she came to me for the okay on the marriage in the first place, to which I gave the nod, thinking I was doing what I good friend would do... Biggest mistake of my earthly life. Next thing I know, we got separated... permanently. And the truth is, I was always taught how to love hard and how to be a forever friend, but I was never taught how to STOP doing those things. So YOU tell ME how to forget somebody that means more to you than anybody else in your life...

Back on the block: most of the females I've been talking to are married. I haven't exactly been flirting, but they love talking and I love talking, so we talk. No biggie. The killer is this: out sam-near-all of the young marriages I've seen in my circle, most of them have ended in divorce... already. I'm talkin' less than... 3 years. So, when females tell me they're married, or when I see a ring on their finger, my mind is in this state of, "Aw, they ain' serious... That ring's for decoration or to keep people from approaching them. It's a decoy..."

It's bad because my view on dating is different than my view on marriage. I was always taught that, until there's talk of engagement, people aren't really all that exclusive or serious. Sumn like that. So, I don't really think about it; if I start talking to someone then I just start talking to someone, and everything else is an afterthought. It's not exactly cool, it's not exactly right, but it's a hard habit to break. Thankfully I haven't actually interfered with anyone's relationship at this point, but it's HARD.

You know the most f#cked up thing about it? The things that I'm most attracted to in any woman are the same things that I find... in married women. I dunno, married women have this demeanor about them--- the soft-spokeness, quaint nature, confidence, classiness, not too flashy, thoughtful, rootedness--- and it's the same demeanor I look for in single women, but I just DON'T FIND IT! It pisses me off! What is this magical change that women go through when they get married?! I always got the impression that they started off that way! Am I looking for a woman that doesn't exist outside of marriage?!

But wait-wait, this is the best part! The best part is, I keep running into divorced women. I mean, I'm totally against divorce, dont get me wrong. But it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure this one out: yes, I will kick it with a divorced woman in a heartbeat, unless she has a psycho-drama-b!tch-of-a-man an ex-husband. I know so much about relationships that, actually, I shouldn't know, because I've never actually been in one. But we get to talking, and I share a few of my thoughts based on what I've been taught... Talk about making quick friends!

I guess it's really not cool... somehow. I mean, I don't do anything out of the ordinary to make this type of stuff happen! I don't go out trying to do this on purpose! It just happens. And it's cool, but it's SO not cool...

3. Staples: Yeah, We've Got That...

Aight, a mere 30 minutes ago I'm on my way to turn in my final exam. I goez into the office and ask the lady if I can borrow the stapler. She tells me that the school is not allowing students to use office staplers and that I hafta go to the bookstore and buy one.

(SCREEECH!!!) ...Ho the heck up. U tryna tell me I gotta buy a whole stapler because I need ONE STAPLE? Do ya'll fools know how small a staple is? I mean, is Augusta State University that dirt, optimo-poor that one single staple is too much to afford? The F#CK OUTTA HERE, this old fish-eyed geezer/skeezer just doesn't like me! But it's cool; I walked right across campus and got a free staple from some decent human beings. So it's good to know there's more decent human beings than dried-up spinmeister biddies like her. Of course you realize I had to go back in front of her office and walk down the hall where she could see me with my stapled papers. I even shook hands with some of the members of her department who actually teach course, unlike this incompetant secretary.

I don't believe in karma shawty, we gon call it the pimp slap of the Invisible Hand. ...All over a staple ya'll. A staple.

4. Transformers: Good Men in Disguise

I say this because I love my people. But some of ya'll are two-faced, and I can't STANNIT!! I know a lot of good dudes. You meet em, they got families, friends, nicest cats you ever wanna meet. They're fair, hard working, honest, intelligent...

But you give them a microphone, and it's "let's get this money". And all the realness you see outside the booth disappears like it was never there. And all you got on wax is the sound of a cat who, if you thought he was really like he sounds, you would never have in your house in the first place.

I mean, n!ggas throw their whooooole identities away to make music. Not even to make music; to make money. I heard a cat drop a verse one time, and it was DOPE. Honest, soulful, just DOPE. Came back the next day after letting "his boys" here it. "That joint wasn't hard enough; I got a new verse for it". So I let him spit it. And he goes from soulful and honest to absolutely fictitious, bang-bang, slang-cane, make-it-rain.

I realized, things juuuuust might not be as bad as they seem in music. But there's a lot of n!ggas fakin' it to sell records. But here's the punchline: the listeners don't know that.

I mean, some of these cats got children. Do you realize what kind of world your little girl/little boy is gonna grow up in? How does it feel to know you helped create it? You added your little portion to the violence in these people's minds. Yes, there really is a violent world out there; but it was a little less violent before you opened your mouth. And I've been where you live; ainnobody ever got killed on your corner. Yet.

It's like cats are making investments in evils to come. And I try not to be judgmental, because this doesn't change the fact that the cats are overall good people; everybody has their thing, and most of us do wrong because we don't know better, or don't have faith enough to do better (again, I know better than to assume everyone is well-taught and of the same faith; that's just not reality).

So, why am I letting these cats record? The fact is, they helped me; they're majorly responsible for some of the strides I've made. And I'm hoping, as we continue to work together, that God will give me the opportunity to witness to them at some point and help them make a change. Cuz this here ain' workin'.

Plus, God can use anybody to help you when you least expect it; I never cut people off if I can avoid it. If ya'll really knew me, you'd know I'm not very much better off than they are. I just know Who to believe in and Who I'm answering to and what's right and what's wrong and how to repent when I'm wrong. Makes a difference.

5. Voltron's Disease: Full Blown

I'm tryna form Voltron again to go down in this community in my city and make some things happen. ...Ya know, I really don't listen to myself nearly enough. Trying to get people together to do anything is like... blowing up a balloon and trying to push all the sides together.

At this rate, I'm pretty sure we'll get 5 people in the same room together by next summer. Did I mention I'm aiming to do the damage THIS summer? This calls for drastic measures...

6. We Heard Ya the First Time, Shaddup

So, we had a shooting at Virginia Tech. Ultimate tragedy, and my condolences to all the families involved. Now, I have a public announcement: will the media please stop dwelling on it? I know, it sounds cold and callous, right? No, it's not that at all. See, the problem is, the media doesn't give us strictly news as it should; it gives us sensationalism to boost ratings. Basically, turns significant events into entertainment.

There is due respect to the victims and families by telling the details and important points; broadcasting the shooter's mixtape, excessive and unnecessary sensationalism. Furthermore, you're just encouraging copycats. I said this the day it happened, and between then and now, we've had 3-4 other incidents all around the country. PUT IT DOWN, YOU ARE MAKING THINGS WORSE.

7. Dandelion's Den

Cut my yard? For what? I just found out that you can EAT DANDELIONS and that they're BETTER for you than any vegetable you can buy at the store! I just order 100 dandelion seeds; if you think my yard was an ugly mess before, gimme a few more weeks. I'll show you more yellow than sunlight...

8. Road-Righteous

I've said it once and I'll say it again; one of ya'll is gonna feel the wrath one of these days if you keep walking slow across the street while I'm coming, as if I'm not coming. I'm gon' let you know I'm coming in a bogus way, and when yo feet fly over your head, you know EXACTLY who to thank...

9. N!gga Rainbow

College Hill needs to be taken off of TV. I don't see any education in any aspect of the show, WHY do they call it College Hill. I say they call it (I ain scared of ya'll) N!gga Spectrum... NO, NO... N!gga RRRAINBOW! Like Reading Rainbow with no books, at all. I mean folks... they couldn't put intelligent people on a show about college students? They had to find the most volatile mixture of people they could find so we can turn to BET and watch the n!ggas fight every day?

Oh, and don't trip: white people on MTV that fight on Road Rules and Real World... yup, they're n!ggas too. The difference is, with two shows, the n!ggadom is diluted into two parts, so the n!gga essence isn't as intense. But College Hill has a deep concentration of n!ggadom in one show, so it's hard to digest.

(I need more Jesus with every passing day... Oh, I'm sorry, PTI).

10. Undead

I've been writing papers like clockwork nearly every day for the last three weeks. That plus other obligations... it's enough to kill a man.

But these fools don't get it yet... You can't kill me; I died a LONG time ago, lol. You might as well hand me that little piece of paper and let me gon' bout my bidness. I'm as dead as can be, and no amount of work you give me could possibly kill me any further. "I am invincible..."

11. Furball

The little hairs you see all over my house... I have an Afro, geniuses. (<-----again, it's only as bad as you interpret it to be B-J)

12. I Know What a First Kiss is Supposed to Look Like...

I saw a pretty girl kissing the h3ll out of a guy once. Like, she was eating this dude's face off. But I wasn't jealous at all; the way she kissed him... I wonder if he had any idea where that chick's mouth had been?

13. Too Much of a Good Thing...

I realized (again) this week that beautiful girls come a dime a dozen in this day and age. Maybe it was different decades ago, but I can point in any random direction and run into a beautiful woman within a mile of that direction.

SO... let's see some brains with all that beauty. And let me say this for the record: I'm on a college campus, a fabled "land of academia", and yet I still have to say this sh!t.

Pitiful. That's messed up.


What you have just witnessed is a glimpse of the uglybone that you will rarely ever see from me in person or in writing. Any injuries were intentional.
No, I'm not superstitious, I just ended on 13 (<-----I'm not gonna tell you again) B-J