The Saggin Next Door

I must be a saaad, saaad person...

So I'm chillin' today, workin on a verse, enjoying my time after work, trying to be productive. Until I hear a series of car doors closing near my house. I was expecting company, so I went to the window. And my heart just... went to sleep on the job.

New neighbors. Right across the street. So of course, I had to get my look on...

Now, this is where you get to see how terrible a person I am. My eyes happened to fall upon the 'girl next door'. A beautiful young lady.

"You Peeping Tom!"

Ohhhhh no I wasn't... I barely even saw THAT chick. That's NOT what I was looking for.

"You looking for dudes then?!"

HELL, no. Respectively. I already got paid sharpshooters in place for the day I even think of switching sides. I wouldn't live to make the decision...

"You casing the house to rob 'em?"

Nupe. Even though they kept their door wide open.

Nope, ladies and gentlemen, I'ma be straight up witchu; I'm more afraid of them than they should be of me. See, when I looked out the window today, I wasn't looking for but one thing: saggin.

"Huh?"

I said, I was casin' for saggin.

"I don't get it. What was saggin'?"

Not saggin'... saggIN. (they're censoring me, this is difficult)

I'm lookin' for:

1. Saggin that don't know how to get out the street when cars are coming.
2. Saggin that have cars with concert PA systems.
3. Saggin that have excessive tattoos and smoke weed and thug it out in the suburbs.
4. Saggin that talk sh!t, are scared to fight, and carry weapons to compensate.
5. Saggin that sell drugs to get sneakers to replace their new sneakers.
6. Saggin that have kids with names that are unspellable and unspeakable so that I can't tell them saggin to stay out my yard.
7. Saggin that have hairstyles which are louder than the cars of the previously mentioned saggin.
8. Saggin that will (attempt to) borrow all their neighbors' life savings and electrical appliances and foodstuffs, returning the former two late or never.
9. Saggin that invite 30 friends over to a 2 bedroom house and block up the street with incredible traffic and drunkenness.
10. Saggin that will have more kids with unspeakable names.
11. Saggin that renew their marital vows in terms of domestic disputes and police sirens at 6 in the morning.

I'm so ashamed... I literally feel like falling upon my knees and praying, "In the name of Jesus, please don't let these be saggin moving in across the street from me. I'm sure they're just good people, who will be great neighbors and who won't lower the property value and ruin it for everybody. I just KNOW it!"

New neighbors should be a happy occasion. But people, I'm NOT being MEAN! If you only knew the stuff I've seen on my street as recently as--- last week was it?--- you'd understand me COMPLETELY.

I... DO NOT... LIKE... SAGGIN... I like Black folks. Good, reasonable Black folks. Statefarm Black folks, feel me?

(eyes to the sky)
I can barely remember what that chick looks like. She's the laaaaaast last thing on my mind.

PLEASE...

In the name of all that is left of my SANITY...

For the sake of all that is RIGHT and GOOD...

DON'T...

LET...

SAGGIN...

MOVE...

'CROSS...

THE...

STREET...

FROM...

ME...

Booooo Censorship... B-X