Well-Done: My New Motivation

Just to clear the air, yes, there's the familiar passage in the Bible where Paul wants to hear the Lord says, "Well done, thou good and faithful servant." For the record, I too want the same when it's all said and done. This is just another, more personal spin on the phrase that I thought I'd share...

So... I've been struggling with staying motivated as I make my way to my destination-uncertain. When I was younger (like I'm old or somethin, right?) I was so passionate and driven; I was one of the most unstoppable 17-year-olds you ever wanted to meet, because I cared SO MUCH about changing the world around me. And don't get me wrong, it's still in me, it's a part of who I am. But I've taken a lot of hard hits in the last few years, and on top of that there were so many long years of waiting and disappointment leading up to those crises. Bottom line: I've been making my way for a few months under a decade now. Thas a long time.

I'm 23 now and I constantly feel as if my window of opportunity is closing right before my eyes--- just as sure as I knew as a youngster that school, work, and family would provide obstacles to my musical/activist aspirations. I constantly waver between using my life to make a difference and settling for the "good job, wife, kids, picket fence, pet" goal that permeates so many of my peers' ambitions. But it's hard for me to believe that 10 years of work will amount to nothing; I mean, I've actually prayed to God several times before, "If I'm not meant to be here, don't allow me to continue". And, 10 years later, I'm still at it.

But the motivation has been such a factor... I thought I had lost my way so many times, though I never stopped working. I recorded a few songs, but thought nothing of them after I made them. I mean, they were okay, but the sound quality left much to be desired, and I'm such a perfectionist... I just needed more.

Well, recently I went back and remastered several of my recent tracks. Thanks to the advice of a producer friend in Norway, I was able to dramatically improve the sound quality, even with the meager studio equipment I have. What I didn't know was that, as my music began to sound clearer and clearer, I would find so much pleasure in what I was doing. Then I realized how much my music still meant to me.

I listened to my voice on the tracks. Of course, there's always room for improvement, but for the first time in years I sounded like that strong spirit from 1997; the one that was so heartfelt you couldn't help but feel what he was saying. It was like rekindling a friendship you'd left behind, so far behind that you started to believe it was all a dream. And then you find out that that friend is in love with you...

As I put my remastered tracks back up for display, I got feedback from several peers who I respect as talented and creative artists and producers. To see their comments on my work really confirmed that this wasn't just hype; I really do still have it, and I've just been getting better and better all this time.

So I've found new motivation: the finished product. Everytime I play one of my songs that came out the way I envisioned, it feels "well-done", and get a surge of energy and feel that I have what it takes to reach the next level... More than the next level actually; I feel like I can get all the way to the end. I think I might get an mp3 player and some headphones just so I can play my tracks wherever I go to keep me that strong.

But there's more. I found motivation in something else a bit more surprising:

Ladies and gentlemen, I kid you not: As I sat on my couch just now, watching some BET commercial about upcoming programs, I watched a man put steak on a grill and said to myself, "Thank you Jesus"...

You see, a few weeks ago my aunt took my sister and I out for some grub. That night, for the first time, I ordered steak and shrimp. Now, if you know anything about me, you know I'm not a cat known for having an appetite. But the funny thing is, since my money's been tighter than ever, all of a sudden all I wanna do is eat. But, whereas I once did the fast food thing and that satiated my hunger, that's not cutting it anymore. Even my beloved Ramen is but a momentary appeasement until my pockets get straight. Truthfully, I now arise and go about my day and go to sleep at night with the thought of steak and shrimp on my mind. The taste is still fresh in memory.

So what does this hafta do with my music? Well, the thing is I'm not a money-motivated cat; I know we need money to live comfortably, but it's the love of money that destroys people, not the need for it. But this steak and shrimp thang... for the first time there's reasonable incentive for me to be successful; my music has always been about benefitting those around me, not really doing anything for myself. But I have already made up in my mind that very day everything falls into place, the very next meal I will have will be:

I. Grilled Sirloin steak, placed with care on the left side of the plate. "Well-done" please; no sauce necessary...
II. Steamed broccoli, placed in the bottom right-hand corner of the plate, slightly buttered. Cooked so that it becomes limp but not mushy...
III. Skewered Jumbo Shrimp, 12 pieces on two skewers, laid gently on a separate, smaller plate placed to the right of the entre plate. And I'd like my lemon shrimp-dip placed just above the broccoli, thank you...

Ahhh yes. I think I'ma go to bed now to see if I can have a dream about it.

But on a serious note, motivation truly is a gift. Don't let anyone or anything ever kill your motivation, because it's quite hard to retrieve. Even now, I worry that the things that I find motivation in will last but a short time. But even if they do, I'm gonna make the most of that short time and savor the sweetness of being driven. Even if it's just listening to a couple of good songs on my way to a steakhouse, it's better than nothing.

"Well-Done"... I Think Feel a Song Coming On... B-J