Ya Never Know...

I used to love to hear my cousin Donnie say that: "Ya never know". Because it's SO true! Lemme tell ya'll a story...

I had a prollem wit this dude right? ...Actually, he had a prollem with me. Why? Well, we'll never know; he never confronted me. But I can tell you right now, it was over a girl... But again, he never confronted me so we'll never know for certain.

On the real though, from the bottom of my heart, it's good he never confronted me. Why? Because too often people take my kindness for weakness. This cat had the nerve to get arrogant with me! But people, if ya gonna be arrogant, you gotta at least be perfect; YOU CAN NOT be a man with a plus-size woman's figure and get arrogant with me. You just can't do it.

BUT hey, the conflict blew over; I never heard from the cat again. Good riddance. So, I thought my readers might enjoy witnessing the size of this bullet that I had aimed at this... well, truthfully I didn't hafta aim. Let's just say, he missed a meal:


1. NASA uses this cat to seesaw rocketships into space.

2. His girl has a trunk in the back; he has a trunk in the front.

3. First man to sleep with a girl and come up pregnant...

4. ...wit septuplets...

5. ...and then eat em.

6. Favorite food: "Supersize."

7. Even the scale in his bathroom is outta shape; for starters, cuz it's bent...

8. ...secondly, cuz it keeps saying "weight up".

9. The sun has to tell this cat "quit stealin my shine" every morning. Gotta take a dadgom break halfway through rising over him.

10. I was just tryna save his girl's life and keep this cat outta jail, cuz the first time he rolls over wit her in the bed it's gon be homicide. Her arms gon be up in the air like Olive Oyl or somethin...

11. Matter fact, if this dude types ROFL, we're all done.

12. Where was this Michelin Man foo when Katrina hit; we coulda saved a lot of cats from drowning.

13. Prolly gotta use a ferris wheel to feed this cat. "Keep it comin..."

14. Dude gets birthday buffets; I ain even get a cake. Shoot, I ain even get a dadgom cookie.

15. Fake thug... he prolly carjacked an ice cream truck.

16. Prolly shuffles pancakes like cards.

17. Prolly robs gas stations for snacks.

18. Prolly ate all the rice at his own wedding.

19. We have mealtimes; he has mealbreaks.

20. So fat he can't catch anything but frozen food. Be lookin through the glass like "I gotchu now.."



And the moral of the story is, ya never know; he coulda very well eaten all of that (lol, I said eaten). For the record, I've got nothing against fat people. But I do have something against arrogant people. And if you're arrogant and you happen to be fat, don't worry 'bout it; you came to the right one. I can make you feel reeeeeeal small.

Stop Laughin' B-J