'All's Well That Ends Well', Sumn Like That...

To whomethsoever this might concern:

When I walk across that stage, shake hands, turn the tassel and graduate, praise the Lord. But don't throw me any parties, because I will not have achieved anything. It was a needless necessity and someday I'll prove it. Until then, there's nothing to celebrate.

When I cut my hair, turn in my sneakers, tuck my shirt in, straighten my tie and step into the classroom, praise the Lord. But don't thank me yet; your school systems won't be saved even with an infinite number of new teachers. And what are you gonna do when your students get hit with a flood of truth for the first time by yours truly? What are you gonna do when parents want me fired for holding them accountable when you didn't have the balls to? But nah, you don't hafta worry about that. Because, for me, it'll just be a profession. A living. A means to a financial end. And I can't spit the truth and get all pushy and keep my job, now can I...

Don't worry though, I know exactly what the formula is to fix your schools. Praise the Lord... but don't get your hopes up. At least for about 3-4 years. Because, you see, in 3-4 years I'll have the "experience" and the "tenure" so that my word will actually mean something to the school boards. It's the same word as the word I have now, but with more... "leverage", sumn like that. As if the students aren't the products of the school system even moreso than the teachers, right?... But yeah, maybe in 3-4 years you'll have a reason to celebrate...

And hey, maybe I will too. See, I can teach during the year and work on my real interests for 2 months every summer. 2 months is plenty of time to write, record, produce, mix and master my own music. Maybe I'll even be able to finish some of my books and other projects with the plethora, the cornucopia of leftover time... Start up my home writing business or mentoring business or my radio station and grow them up in those 2 big ol' months of the year...

...Nope. But in all this, I got one thing I can really look forward to celebrating. See, once I bite this bullet and graduate, then bite another bullet for good measure and go into teaching, I'll be financially secure, making steady payments on this house and paying all my own bills. And I'm learning, sometimes that's about all you can really ask for...

If the Lord continues to bless me with good health and continues to take care of those around me, a steady income job is really all I can ask for. And hey, even if my songs or stories or drawings or poems never see the light of day... well... I'm not gonna live vicariously through my children or anything like that; that wouldn't be fair to them. So I guess... they just won't see the light of day then.

No big deal, right?... B-J

A Classic Blog

lol, Yo, I love talking to these younger cats. You might not believe it, but there's some kids out there with minds that dwarf the greatest of thinkers that you encounter on a daily basis. Why? Because these kids think critically and question what they see, while most adults I know take everything they see at face value, not even seeking to understand anything. And I won't even mention those adults that know they're being mislead but choose to accept things as they are... Pretty sad.

Anyway, so my homie Juke, upper teen in high school, asks me the other day, "What makes a classic?" I gathered that the reason he was asking me this is because he wants to perfect his lyric-writing craft to produce what would be considered "classics". I must admit, this is the best question someone has asked me in quite some time. And yes, I have an answer to it, but it's not going to be a universally accepted answer. Why? Because our society doesn't work like that; they usually designate boards of "distinguished" people to define terms like "classic". Well, today it's just Jigabod's definition. If you like it, cool. If not, thas cool too.

First off, lemme just clarify: we're not talking about "classical" in the literary sense, like works from Greece or Rome; nor in the artistic sense, like pictures with symmetry and balance; nor in the musical sense, referring to the preferred music of "educated Europeans" such as opera and symphony; nor are we talking about works of a Classical (notice the capital 'C') time period.

Here, when we say "classic", we simply mean something that endures and is appreciated over time. And this is a smart question to me because so often we accept things as classics without wondering what is so "special" about it. But also, as we harbor this aimless acceptance, we overlook the "classics" of our own modern age, because we don't know what the characteristics of a classic are (and we might as well say most don't CARE what they are, right?) Furthermore, not only do we miss classics, but we also label things as classics that don't deserve the title. So hopefully, after this blog iz done, we'll have a rough sketch of what Jigabod thinks defines a classic. And maybe it'll be a standard we can agree upon; if not, cool.

Arright Jukeson... These are the makings of a classic as told by Jigabod:

1. RELEVANCE aka TIMELINESS - I would normally post this later on for dramatic effect, but this is the heart of it all and I just can't hold my tongue... Lemme ask you something people: what good does it do you to write a poem in Old English in 2006 when so many people can barely read regular English? What good does it do you to use NASA vocabulary in a poem directed to people with short attention spans and even shorter vernaculars? That's called relevance and timeliness: being in the zeitgeist of your current setting.

Now, I know what cats are thinking... "What about Edgar Allan Poe and Homer other great writers who wrote in difficult to understand forms?" No... it's only difficult to understand for OUR people, not for THEIR people. Remember, we came waaaaaay AFTER it was published. At the time, these writers were writing for THEIR people. So, they wrote in a way that would be accepted and understood by THEIR people; all the difficulty was in the meaning, not the format. The problem is, they did such a good job that somehow we think writing in the same way they wrote will make us as "distinguished" writers as they were. ...Nope. At least, not today; maybe centuries ago that would make you dope, but not today.

Relevance and timeliness also points to subject matter in a way. Don't get me wrong, anything from any time period can be treated as a current event and a classic work can be made from it. But it's all in the way you communicate it. You might recount an ancient Greek catastrophe, but if you use ancient Greek speech and form to tell it, only ancient Greeks and scholars are going to appreciate that. But if you can tell the same story in modern terms from a modern perspective, THEN you have a shot at creating a classic.

Also, you have an even better chance of creating a classic if you deal with something current. Why? Think about it: are you more passionate about something that you weren't a part of or around to see, or are you more passionate about something that directly affected you? One thing about current events is that a recap by a participant will always be the most authentic recap, period. And that alone gives works a level of poignancy that a person who wasn't there just can't create. There's only so much you can do in word; experience is irreplaceable.

One more thing here (now you see why I wanted to save this for last). I bet you're asking yourself, "Well, if it's about relevance, then how come we're still reading Shakespeare?" Excellent question. And that is something I often wonder because there's been plenty to come along after Shakespeare. But I'll say this for now and come back to it in a few points: one reason we still read Shakespeare is because he was a classic in HIS day, and once you become a classic in your day, that classic status holds relevance long after you're gone. You become a gateway to your culture at the time and you give people a prototype for what it takes to be a classic of a given period. Also, though old, there's relevance in his work because he tackles universal themes, which we'll discuss next. Not to mention, if you're a classic in your time, then your work is probably high quality. I'll come back to that shortly...

2. UNIVERSALITY - this is another one that people don't think about. When you share an expression or experience in any art form, the goal is to convey it in such a way that a person who has NOT gone through what you've gone through can feel what you felt. So, again, tell me why people like to use huge words to express themselves to people who barely go beyond five letters? And they think because the words are big that they're creating classics. ...Nope. I mean, somebody with a big vocabulary might appreciate your work, yes. And somebody who's shared the experience may appreciate it as well. But... that's not going to be a majority of people.

Don't get me wrong; if you're a person that uses big words by nature, then do it. I'm mainly talking to those who "try" to use 'em. Every word has a place, and if you want to create a classic, you hafta know where that place is. It's called diction: word choice, and it's key to both relevance and universality.

Back to universality though. Romeo and Juliet: even if you don't like Shakespeare, you can appreciate this story. Why? Because everybody knows something about love and romance; people love love and romance. Every dude wishes he could be a Romeo and every girl wishes she could be a Juliet. That's something people can relate to.

To achieve universality, you need to find those things that hold mankind together; the various ideals that, even if we don't all agree on, we all share and experience at one time or another. Love, hate, passion, joy, pain, piety, confusion, awe, fear, courage... When you a create a work that hinges on themes such as these, people respond to them. It's as simple as guys writing poetry to impress girls; as long as it hinges on love, you're already halfway there. All that's left is wording it right.

But on the subject of wording, that's another thing about universality. I really admire Martin Luther King Jr. because he was a man who knew what it was to be universal. He spoke words simple enough for the common man to understand, but expressed concepts deep enough to hold the attentions of and persuade the astute. Not only that, but he permeated all races and social classes. That's universality. I thought of a quote one day that he inspired, and it goes, "Choose your wording, choose your audience." It's as simple as that. Decide who you want to communicate to and create your work so that it is geared toward those people. Don't write a thesis for children; don't write nursery rhymes for scholars. Usually, the best route is that narrow street midway between the two.

In a way, timeliness, relevance, and universality are very closely related. There's only some slight differences, but it's good to know the differences; the more you understand, the more you can control what you create.

3. QUALITY - remember how I said Shakespeare is still read partially because of the quality of his work? Well, quality is just as essential as relevance, timeliness, and universality. Take the music on the radio right now. It's all timely, it's all relevant, and some is universal. And it's... darn near all cheap too. Why? Because this is the goal of the music industry: make money. You're not gonna see many classics in music right now because classic-level work is a slow process and, more importantly, doesn't pay fast enough. If cats can produce low-quality work and get paid big time for it, they will.

But if you're a true artist, it's more about your work than the payoff. And if you want to make classics, you hafta be willing to put the payoff on the line and do whatever it takes to produce quality. Think about this: in 7 years, how many current albums will be remembered? I'm willing to bet less than 10%. Now ask yourself, would you rather be hot for the meantime, or still in rotation/well-remembered/highly anticipated 10 years later? If you want the first, then forget quality and you can have it. If you want the second, then make quality work.

And remember this: just because it's quality doesn't mean it can't be top notch in the meantime. Nor does it mean that it has to be an excruciatingly slow process... that's what defines a genius. But we'll get to that another time, lol.

4. ORIGINALITY - can't beat that, point blank. A lot of your favorite rappers won't ever make classics right now. Why? Because all that they do is in the image of another rapper at some point, whether Tupac or Biggie or whoever else. And Coca-Cola said it best: "Ain't nuthin like the Real Thing". I'll tell you right now, if you're not at peace with who you are, you'll never make a classic. You hafta be willing to be yourself and expose yourself. Don't copy, bite, imitate anybody else. Or else, even if you do make a classic, part of the credit for it will go to them.

Originality also means that you should look for new ways of doing old things sometimes. Cuz, you see, even if you don't "copy" others, you still share experiences of other people. Sometimes you need to dig really hard to find what separates your work and your experience from someone elses. And every now and then, you'll find that there is nothing to separate the two; that's okay. Just as long as you're being yourself to the best of your ability.

Just remember: whatever's been done before and wasn't a classic won't be any more a classic if you do it again. And whatever was a classic before, you can never take credit for. So just "do you" as they say.

5. SOUL - very closely related to originality (because I went a little further on my originality explanation than I intended). Soul simply is you... put a bit of yourself into your work. Matter of fact, put MORE than a bit of yourself into your work. It's like your friends: you like your friends because they're different than you. You know how you feel, but you wanna know how they feel. And you're glad they're not robots because robots don't feel anything. So, when you write, put enough of yourself into your work that people can feel you and can see how you think. And put enough of you into it so they don't feel they're reading the work of a robot.

But, going back to originality, make sure you put enough of you down so they don't feel the presence of somebody else. There's a word I love called "poesy". I've used it once before; it can be juxtaposed to the word "poetry". Poesy is created when a person writes because it's the "in thing" to do. Like, when it goes outta style, they'll stop doing it. You don't ever want to be "in the trend" like that. Because, when you write, even if it's good, people won't feel you. They'll only feel the spirit of the times and whoever started the trend that you took up.

Don't get me wrong, it's okay to have influences as you enter the medium of expression of your choosing. But it should never be to the point that you can't tell yourself from your influences. This is part of the reason it's important to try new things, because that will help you remain separate from the ones you look up to.

6. BLESSING - some would call it luck or chance, but I prefer blessing. The fact is, not every worthy work will be known, and not every unworthy work will be forgotten. If you drop a classic, it's gonna be up to you and God to get it out there. That is... if you want to. The truth is, a classic will be a classic whether it gets out or not. It's like that dope song on an album that never gets released (Slum Beautiful by OutKast for instance): never hit the radio, but still no less of a dope, fie-hot song.

7. THE HOT GARBAGE X FACTOR - and just like some classics are fie-hot gems, there's also a plethora of hot-garbage classics. And eeeeevery now and then something is SO bad that it just sits there... forever... and ever... forever in the minds of people as a classic catastrophe. 'Doesn't take much to find an example here: "Laffy Taffy". Sad to say, but in 10 years some loose cannon DJ is gonna spin this song and people, even people like me who HATE this song are gonna jump up and say, "OHHH!!! NO THEY DIDN'T!!! NO THEY... (snap) ...THAT LAFFY TAFFY (snap)...THAT LAFFY TAFFY...", and it's gonna be a party like you wouldn't believe for 3 minutes. A classic travesty... it happens, friends... it happens.


So there's Jigabod's 7 for those who want to make a classic. But lemme attach this warning: don't worry about making a classic. Just worry about doing your best. If you do the best you can do, and if you know what you're doing, then you'll make a classic whether "luck" is on your side or not. You hafta take as much pleasure in your work as your readers/listeners/critics do. Remember, not everyone can recognize a classic when they see one. That's why the hottest songs are the hottest garbage most of the time. *Snap*

Dedicated to the homie Jukeson... B-J

Happy People

So there's this student of mine at the church I attend. She's about 16ish, petite, reasonably well-behaved, loud, country as all heck...

Aight, lemme get to the point: this chick is my favorite person in the whole world right now! Every time I see her, all I can think about is how big a smile she would've put on my mom's face had they gotten to know each other. Shawty is hilarious! All she does is smile and joke and pick and play and try to sneak out of doin' stuff and sing songs loud and off-key! As small as she is, during praise and worship she can drown out the most powerful singers in our church... WITHOUT a microphone, lol. I'll never forget, one of the first things I remember her saying is how bad she wishes she could sing. She just might get there one day, lol.

And I have YET to see a frown on this child's face! Even when she's being a lil devilish, I can't even get mad with her, cuz it's just so obvious that she means no harm. Push come to shove, she's still one of the best students I've had the pleasure of teaching, the only one I can recall who ever thought of bringing a notepad to a Bible study (I know it sounds strange, but at my church that's a bigger deal than you know, lol)

Real talk, I can't imagine myself feeling bad around this kid. And it's not just me: most people I see that come across this girl just light up in her presence. Even today, as she sat on the front row with me and a few other kidz who were on program, the moment she walked to the podium to pray the attendant trustee found himself chuckling. That's a magic that I haven't seen in quite some time.

Sadly, she's one of only a few people I know who are like that. I mean, truly "happy" people, ya know? Not just people that smile a lot, but "happy" people. People that draw other people to them by just being their total selves; unintimidated by anyone, but bearing no ill will toward anyone. Not trying to prove anything at all but how contagious a smile can be. They seem to gain energy by flashing their radiant smiles just to see who smiles back. They bring out the best and worst in people; whether it's best or worst depends on how much of a stickler you are or aren't.

But I don't mind saying, peeps: I need more people like that in my life. So often I'm not a happy person. I can be irritable, solemn, depressing, and deadly serious sometimes; old habits die hard and I constantly find new reasons to be those things. But do you have any idea how good for you laughing and smiling is? I mean hysterical laughter, chuckles, giggles, smirks... it's all good for you. Scientifically, laughing releases endorphins to the brain; smiles require less face muscles than frowns.

Heck, I'm in the habit now that, if something funny happens, I don't try to stifle my own laughter. It could be a random thought in my mind; if it makes me laugh, I'm just gonna hafta look crazy and laugh. And I don't stop my kids from laughing if something funny happens (it's gotta be something really funny though, lol). I remember once my mom told me, "When you try to stop a class from laughing, that's when it's gonna get worse. Sometimes it's better to just let it go". Well Ma, I'll take it a step further: I'm an advocate of laughter, lol. Laughter keeps a class relaxed and open (and it keeps em from falling asleep on ya ;-J )

Some of you out there who think you're not that cute and whatnot, I guarantee the more you laugh and smile, the more you'll see how beautiful you really are, and so will others. So smile more, and surround yourself with happy people.

But there's that issue again... Where ARE all the happy people? I'm so attached to this kid because, aside from her, the next contagiously happy person in my life is my aunt up in Tennessee. She never fails to bring the hugs and smiles and kisses and kind words wherever she goes, and YES INDEED I DO NEED THAT! I mean, I know plenty of cool, nice, friendly people. But none of them is the type to just turn the tide of sadness with a mischievous glance or a playful grin. That's a special gift that's very rare.

And so often I forget: part of being a Christian is not only learning to be sober-minded, but also learning to rejoice. And it's not just rejoicing circumstantially, but having an overall joyful demeanor. I have joy, but I have trouble letting it out sometimes. But when that right person gets around me, I can't hold it in. And I really enjoy being in the company of somebody that knows what it is to be unrelentingly happy.

And Yes, I Was Smiling Even As I Wrote This, lol... B-J

It's Me Again...

Knock knock...
A courageous man wouldn't be summoning what he already has
But a coward wouldn't be standing here against his will

I'm six feet tall, but I feel short in this doorway
Play it off as humility... that's all...

'Didn't bring flowers, candy, or slick words
They say I should just be myself...
Oh please, do they even know who I am?
Exactly... cuz I'm a nobody

And that's the real.



Mmkay... That started to be a poem, but really it's just an intro to a one-sided chat. It's no big deal, but in the midnight hour I just decided to bug out about some nonsense. And that nonsense is the nonsense of my own confidence.

It's no big deal for several reasons. Firstly, I know God already has somebody out there for me, and when the time comes I'll find her. So why do I even sweat girls the way I do, right? And number two, I really do have a good level of confidence. I'm not afraid to talk to people and make friends, and I feel really good about myself overall. Not to mention, I don't doubt my ability in the least because I can do all things through Christ; I've learned to do more things than I may even use in my lifetime.

Still, the one glitch in the mainframe for me is my confidence when it comes to approaching females I'm interested in. And it's funny really, because it's not totally whatchu think. You see, my policy is it's best to be friends first, THEN talk about dating and all that. And when I stick to the script, I'm perfectly fine. It's only an issue because that's not good enough for me. It's one of the few times when I wish I could be like everyone else.

I always wanted to be the type of cat to be able to approach a perfect stranger and ask her out. Not because I think it's a smart thing to do, but it just seems to come so naturally for other people. I wonder where they get the confidence to do it ya know? With no fear of rejection or anything, just walk up to whoever, introduce themselves, and it's like magic. And even when they get rejected, they can brush it off and roll on. 'Never been the case with me.

And I know why I am the way that I am. This is what happens when you're "that kid" in school: the "genius", the "brainiac", "Urkel". Yep, that was me, and having brains got me really, really far in school and in life. But that was only with teachers and parents; socially, it was a whole different story. I don't hafta go into detail here because anybody who's been in school before can tell the story; the smart kid gets picked on, point blank. But what happens to the smart kid in return?

Well, I can't speak for all cats like myself, but this is what happened to me: I got defensive. Did I isolate myself? Nah, not really. 'Matter of fact, when it was all said and done, I had hundreds of friends; even now I can go anywhere in this city and find somebody I'm cool with at almost every corner of it. But, instead of isolating myself, I just avoided situations where my pride would be put on the line. I mean, being the "nerd" was a strike against me, but I was blessed to make friends in spite of it. So the next objective was to do whatever it took to keep me from embarrassing myself and losing what little social ground I had gained. That was my line of thinking back then.

Don't get me wrong, I was big and bad enough to ask a girl or two out along the way. But when I saw the results (it was something like rejection mixed with open displays of ridicule), I counted myself lucky to get out with my dignity and decided not to pursue the issue with anybody else. Bogus huh?

But through it all, what I didn't count on was getting trapped in that mentality. I'm 23 years old now, and still as defensive as I was back then. But there's more to it than what's on the surface... Here's the good news: when I leave my city, I'm as cool as they COME! I mean, I'm in a brand new area with a million faces that don't know me or care what I do. Things that I do at home that people jock me about, people in other cities LOVE IT! The way I walk, talk, think, smile, it's all well received. It's a totally clean slate, ya know? Don't get me wrong, I'm still not one for approaching people even then, but there's SO much less pressure knowing that no matter what happens, that'll be the end of it. And for once, I'm just the average cat with no stigmas.

But, now that we're all grown, the stigmas I grew up with are pretty much dead. Nobody treats me like they used to; heck, I'm not the same cat that I was. I mean I am, but... it's appreciated now. So, why do I still feel like a less-than?

I gotta admit, it's really frustrating reading this to myself. 'Specially since I thought I had it figured out the LAST time I wrote about this. Something's tellin' me that the only way I'm gonna get over this is to put my neck on the chopping block. And heck, maybe I think I know something that I really know nothing about; maybe, just maybe, everybody feels the same way that I do and I just don't know it. 'Funny thing is, I don't think it's gonna make a difference if they do or don't. It's gonna come down to me tearing down my own defenses, and nobody else is gonna factor into that. Which brings me back to my opening: Knock knock...


Of course, I could always settle for the safety of a friend... B-J

Romantics Across the World

This is a distress signal: I need to know where my Romantics are across the globe right now; it's so quiet in this piece. Talk to me... Where are my people of passion? My dreamers... My visionaries... My humanites...

Where are my kids holding hands at the playground, believing in somethin' even grown folks seem to struggle with? Where are my Romeos and Juliets, choosing love in the face of utter destruction? Where are my elderly couples in the park, oblivious to age and impending separation as they commemorate a lasting love?

Where are my honored warriors, seeking to discover themselves in the face of rivalry and conflict? Where are my freedom fighters and liberators, coming selflessly to free us from all mental, physical, emotional oppresion? Where are my underdogs, promising to do the impossible just because somebody said it can't be done? Where are my phoenix spirits, broken and burned to ashes, but destined to rise agian?

Where are my explorers trekking into uncharted territory ? Where are my pioneers pushing the limits of human capacity? Where are my daredevils putting their lives on the table to let us mere mortals peer into invincibility?

Where are my unattainable Carmens dressed in red, dangling unsuspecting men by their hearts? Where are my Sades draped in feminine mystique? Where are my songbirds and sirens--- the voices that lulled me at night when I was a child? Where are my true diamonds: women of a demeanor that demands attention without a single word spoken?

Where are my prodigies, whose giftedness is evident from their innocence? Where are my geniuses, who remind us that the computer is nothing without the mind of man, but the mind of man was always something? Where are my logicians, who can make us believe that anything, the ultimates of truth, can be explained in a formula? Where are my innovators, who never fail to show us new facets of an old world and an old existence?

Where are my painters, who use a single moment in time to make us stop and recall how wonderful a world God created? Where are my musicians, who translate the abstract language of our hearts into melody and remind us how much we all have in common? Where are my poets, who turn words into pictures and use our very minds as their easels?


It's me peeps; I'm one of your kind. I hear young ladies have developed an immunity to love letters... What is this? I hear even little children can mean-mug wit the best of em... Huh? What?? I hear the fellas have a law against getting attached to same women they bend over backwards to sleep with... What's that??? Parents don't have enough love in 'em to want children; don't love the children they got... For real?? They made it illegal to have fun without drama, and the music comes a dime a dozen now...cuz it's cheap.

And in the midst of all this, where can I go? I got nowhere to go peeps. I can't drive to a cliff and enjoy the sunset or sumn, I'd prolly get arrested for going offroad in my vehicle. Heck, sometimes it's like cats can't stand the sight of me, I can see it in their eyes. But that's what it is playa; I am that cat. And it sucks more for me than for you.

So, this is a shout to all my Romantics left out there. It'd be nice to know ur still breathin' or sumn. Don't be scared of these folks around you; they're hollow and light like passing tumbleweeds. If there's soul in you, let it out. If there's nothing to let out, I understand.

Dedicated to My Humanites... B-J

Dreaming Of You

This is a... I guess you would call it a "what if" type thing. The idea hasn't really congealed even in my own mind yet, but bear with me, I think it will...

I found myself inspired to draw a picture today--- tonight, rather. A few homies were at the crib on the PS2 and the Net, but I was dead set on drawing something, ANYTHING. I took the liberty of making waste of a good sheet of paper, making random pencil scratches all over it trying to get an idea. But, truthfully, I already knew what I wanted to draw. I just didn't want to admit what was on my mind...

...Medium-length, dark hair drifting to the right and covering her shoulderblade, perhaps carried by a sea breeze. A thinly-strapped evening gown with an open back. Shapely curves outlining her silhouette. The faint hint of an earring dangling off her left ear. She has no face; her back is turned to the viewer as she gazes off the edge of a pier, or a ship maybe.... Even with her back turned, her glow rivals that of moon glancing off the dark waters before her.

...I really didn't wanna draw it; 'didn't really plan on it or anything. It just kinda came out. So, who is she? Well... I guess she's my dream girl. Somethin' like that.

There's something I've been saying to to the wind recently. I don't believe it myself, but it just seems like a quotable of sorts. Simply this: perhaps every guy in the world has a dream girl, and every girl has a dream guy (political correctness aside). And perhaps the only thing missing is the dream world that makes it possible for us to be with that dream person...

Like I said, I don't bank on that thought myself. But, you kinda feel me on the idea, don't you? I mean, I've felt that way many times. But at the same time, I'm also a dreamer, and I believe anything's possible. I'll tell you something funny I came across that stuck with me. I heard somebody say this recently: "a dream is a dream because it's not real; once it becomes real, you can't dream it anymore". Can you feel that? Hm...

I dunno. When I drew this picture, my homie Ken asked me, "Who is that?" I hesistated, then threw out the name of a special friend of mine; for the record, the special friend is same young lady from that "The Unforgettable Night" entry I wrote a while back. I used her name because, even though the girl really exists, she's also my "dream girl" in a way. How? Because we're so far apart in so many ways--- physically, spiritually, etc.--- that the likelihood of us ever getting together is slim and shady; but we love each other's company. What we have is a dream, basically.

But you know something? The girl in this picture, she's anyone, not just my special friend. Because the thing about having a dream person is you never obtain them; a dream you obtain isn't a dream anymore. So that dream person becomes somebody different from time to time, ya know? Maybe that's why my mind decided to draw her in such a way that her face isn't seen.

Even in my recent week of dreaming, I never saw the same face twice. The only commonality is that each face was the face of a person with whom I had no real relationship or contact outside of that dream. Still, that didn't make anything any less enjoyable; a sweet dream is a sweet dream. And a dream deferred is the only type of dream there is; anything more is no longer a dream, correct?

Of course, anyone wants his or her dreams actualized, even me. But, I think there's something to be said for the dreaming that preceeds the actuality. Especially since the actuality isn't promised; you never know when the dream is the closest you'll ever get to your wish. It sounds sad, I know. But there's a certain beauty to it when you look at it a certain way, eh? That's my dream girl; one day I might show you a portrait I did of her so you can see her for yourself.

I Think I'll Call It "Lightwave"... B-J

...Sweet

Right now, at this very moment, I'm swamped...

Good.

Being swamped is the best possible scenario for me. Heck, the first song I ever recorded was called Swamp Rats; I'm in the zone when I'm in the thick of it. I'm in way over my head, and yet I'm so comfortable that there's virtually no sense of urgency.

Today, I had no plans. I woke up, lounged a bit. Next thing I knew, I had finished up three instrumental tracks and created a few new ones to work on. I wasn't even really thinking at the time, it just kinda... happened. And that's how I like things to be: I never like to rush or force anything. There always seems to come a right time to do things, and when that time comes, that's when things get done. And usually, they get done in the best way possible. That's just how I work.

Besides being swamped, I've been having so many dreams recently. I usually don't dream at all, but I've had a vivid dream every day so far for about 7-8 days now. And it's strange they weren't really telling me much; I was basically dreaming about friends, family, and old flames. But the simple fact that I was dreaming seems to have a message in itself. I feel something in the air, and I'm anxious to know what it is... But not too anxious.

Meanwhile, as I continue to spit out new music, I'm also in the middle of some entrepreneurial reading and writing preparation. You see, I was sharing some of my random ideas with my aunt, and she suggested I go to my old principal and talk to him; he's a liberal-minded, experienced, and musically talented person, so his advice might be invaluable. But before I did that, I decided to write my ideas out. As I reached the third page, I suddenly realized that I was looking at a business plan! All my random ideas configured themselves into a behemoth of a concept, and if I move quickly I believe I have the "capital" at this point to pull it off. I can visualize the beginning and basic structure of the venture, but even the expansions to come down the road are so clear to me. And it all seems very practical (Did I mention I love practicality?). Now to find the right people to make it happen...

Physically, I'm healthy right now. I'm eating right: beaucoup fruits and vegetables, only a little meat, and even eating yuck-arse oatmeal and drinking yuck-arse water with no flavor. I'm exercising a lot, copped some quad-skates to keep maself busy. Kickin' rhymes aloud as I go about the house because I'm looking forward to getting back on stage to perform, hopefully in front of a live, animated crowd of sorts (sorry, I rap to enlighten the masses, not to receive applause/critique from the intellectuals). And when I feel like it, I laugh. I had been watching a lot of comedy performances for the last few weeks, but it's dope to just laugh because you feel like laughing, ya know? Hold on to one funny thought and just laugh until you feel good, lol...

But, in spite of all the potential I see at the moment, I'm not gonna get amped or anything. I thank God for the blessings always; now is the time to focus and turn 5 talents into 10 (Biblical allusion). But I don't feel any pressure. Even now, mentally I'm barely aware of what's going on, and still it goes on, lol.

Before I go, saying all that just made me realize something... for the first time since my mom passed, I don't feel fluttery inside. When I go to sleep at night, I sleep with nothing on my mind but how good it feels to turn off the lights and let the pillow catch me. Mom told me all she wanted was for me to be happy, and I think I am that right now. Thanks Ma, and I Love You (you shoulda seen what your school did in your honor a week ago!)

Everythang is Sweet... B-J